Further to our earlier enquiry as to the whereabouts of the gang of three, following the Millergate scandal. We can now reveal our intrepid investigators have discovered one of the miscreants living in a wheelie-bin in the local Lib-Dem stronghold of Saddleworth. The fat fuck was spotted yesterday when he was forced out of his hideaway by extreme hunger. It was later found that all the other wheelie-bins had been stuffed with grub in expectation of a long stay, but the greedy twat had scoffed the lot in three days. The smile on his ugly mug was to welcome the pizza delivery guy who had just struggled through an inch and a half of snow to deliver a gross of the special (extra large), (everything on), (twice) pizzas. These should carry him through to Friday. If relief has not arrived by then, the Member for Everything In The Known Universe, is planning to make his escape on the bicycle he has brought with him in case a quick getaway is called for. He was originally intending to head for Ashton-u-Lyne, but the bridge is out, so he will probably head toward Rochdale. He has promised a 'full enquiry' into Millergate, saying, 'Oldham MBC takes it's responsibilities towards fuck-ups very seriously.' 'However, this is a fuck-up too far and it is not my fault.' ' I told them at the time to leave that nice Mr Miller alone, he hasn't harmed anyone and I quite like him. (Does he live in Oldham West & Royton, by any chance). Anyhow I'm off back in hiding now. Stroke of bad luck you finding me. You won't find that greedy fat twat Sy£es who's hiding in the Chinese takeaway though. As for Charlie 'Turd' parker. Does he really exist?
Anyhow, enough about them already! Don't forget folks, May 6th, X marks the spot. (And Mark expects the Pot. Know what I mean?). You know it makes sense! We regretfully took our leave, but were left wondering, was that indeed his immensity, or could it have been two body doubles employed to throw us off the scent. After all only one gross of pizzas doesn't sound very likely.
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