WHAT BIG TEETH YOU HAVE! Bigger, sharper teeth than our ramblings in the on-line Oldham Evening Chronicle, which are being strangled by ever increasing censorship or moderation as they call it. We, the people of this town have no collective public voice to shout on our behalf, willing to question and challenge the lunacy visited upon us by the numpties in The Tower Of Babble, various thieving MPs, the legions of PC police at GMP, PAT'S, PACT'S, academy lovers, transport 'experts', vastly overpaid Council Officers from Charlie Chuckles downward, quangoes, placemen, do-gooders, do-badders, tree huggers, Brussels and Alcock! You get the idea? We intend to remedy this via the revamped Pigsticker. Now with added fibre. If any of you out there want to join us in restoring the town to it's former pleasant aspect, please feel free to submit articles. No moderation on this site!

Thursday, September 29, 2011


It is reported that Oldham Youth Council members have joined forces with senior staff to help make Failsworth, (where dwelleth our beloved leader and guiding light, Little Jimmy Pudden face), a cleaner place to live.
'A group of environmentally-conscious youngsters has teamed up with Street Scene and parks departments to carry out grot-spot clean-ups. 'They also learned how to report issues like litter, graffiti, fly-tipping etc.directly to the council using the new “Tidy Oldham” application on smart phones.'

I don't know about the rest of you folks but I would have preferred to have seen groups of the 'environmentally-unconscious' scrotes responsible for the fucking litter, fly tipping and graffiti nuisance, cleaning it up! Why are we so soft on the filthy indolent bastards who blight our lives? Round 'em all up. Beat the crap out of them then put 'em to work clearing away all the shite they have inflicted upon  us.
If the E-C's come across any E-U's fly-tipping or graffitiing they would be well advised not to call the  council's Tidy Oldham app in sight of the E-U's otherwise the E-C's will swiftly become just unconscious and short one smart phone. Ah! Such is life in modern down-town Fails-Worth!


Our resident team of  Hackers have, once more, managed to slip unnoticed behind the firewalls of our leader Jim Pudden Face's blog.  Here again we reveal the inner thoughts of the Council Waffle Maker as he attempts another snow job on the people of Oldham.

Blog The third:

Cutting your throat to save our loot

ECONOMIC concerns are again driving this week’s headlines and deadlines.
The cut in the UK growth forecast to just 1.1 per cent for 2011 is just the latest reminder, as if one were needed, of the challenges that all of you are facing. We, fortunately, will not be joining you. A lot of us have other jobs beside fucking about with you idiots  serving selflessly on various committees. It is important that we work conscientiously at these other jobs as failure could bring the sack, unlike our council gravy boats where we can fuck everything up and you lot can go whistle Dixie.

Everyone across our Borough – residents, staff and businesses alike – are looking over their shoulders and trying to protect their bottom line. Unfortunately for you residents, you now find that the bottom line is way above your heads. Howie 'King Chip' Sykes has lined his bottom with another two inches of lard since restrictions on councillor's chip allowances were removed.  Local MP Mickey 'Ten Houses'  Meacher is busy just protecting his bottom as there is a nasty outbreak of the Sutti Licanus virus doing the rounds.

For most people that means constantly monitoring finances – and looking at how to cut costs with the minimum impact on your welfare.
The challenge is exactly the same for Oldham Councillors - looking at how to cut costs with the minimum impact on our exes while we put more of you on welfare.

Our balancing act is to find £24 million in savings from next year’s budget whilst continuing to invest in priority areas for residents, plan for the future and protect the front-line services that you depend upon. We know and I suspect that some of the brighter ones among you have figured out that this has a difficulty level akin to knitting fog. In fact it's like having sex standing up in a hammock - fucking impossible.
Priorities for residents we are investing in include, but are not limited to - demolishing a lot more of those unsightly old houses to improve the view. Closing a large part of the town centre so residents will not make wasted journeys looking for goods in nonexistent shops. Extending The Ghost Train  Metrostink line to the emigration check-in at Manchester Airport, plus many other exciting and imaginative plans. Planning for the future has been halted temporarily as we have mislaid our master-copy of the plan and were saddened upon making enquiries about purchasing a replacement to find out that the author, Nostradamus had died some years previously. At least on the subject of protecting front-line services you need have no fears. We have none!

 This week we’ve launched our nonsultation exercise with the public to totally ignore them and tell them exactly how we are going to carry on fucking the town up. This is one of my better ideas as eventually everyone will get totally pissed off and leave. With the town empty of you moaning self-centred bastards always wanting something or other, we can implement our dream of the Lie-bour utopia. We'll be able to do anything we please without having to listen to you whingers - La,La, La-La, La

Oldham Council like every other Authority – will have to wrestle with becoming a leaner organisation. This will rule out Howie 'Fat Bastard' Sykes from a position of power ever again. Who'd want to wrestle with that fat sweaty cunt anyway?  We simply can’t sit here with our fingers up our arses, looking for Sutty and hoping the problems will go away.
It would also be unforgivably arrogant for us to assume that our management team and Councillors have a monopoly on good ideas or common sense – But then, we are unforgivably arrogant, we have to be because we really don't have either of those commodities.  That’s why we need to make it look like everything is your fault..
I’d  kill every fucker who didn't  urge everyone reading this to please waste five minutes of your time to visit the new Budget Nonsultation pages at www.oldham.giv/upfucking/about and give us your penn'orth for what it's worth.. This fudges our income sources and where we are currently spending every penny of your money. Pennies? Yeah. The fucking pounds? - Suck this!
The Council squanders this budget on your behalf and that’s exactly why we need to make our final decisions based on what we want to waste your money on.  Fuck you and your priorities.

This cycle of finding savings and reducing spending is one that Oldham Council will continually be facing for many years. You on the other hand will have to face up to cycling everywhere as the transport infrastructure collapses totally.  But as I told employees at  the last  Leaders weekly rant  Staff Conference, we must stay fucked-up   focussed and be positive about what this will mean. It won't all be doom and gloom…To give hard working councillors a break from the onerous duties of the chamber, I've taken over another suite of plush offices  small room in the Holy Tower. This has been refurbished at minimal cost, (£219,835 to be exact, excluding carpet). This room will be known as the Tax Relief Office. All council taxes have been converted into large denomination banknotes and stacked in this room. In what small breaks councillors get from the demands of the debate, they will be able to visit the room, remove all their clothes and roll naked in your contributions. We hope they will come to appreciate this. Any banknotes left clinging to their sweaty bodies on leaving are theirs to keep.

Next we look at what becoming a Cooperative Council means for Oldham.  It means staff will start shafting the public on an even grander scale.  The opportunities to change for the better will be totally fucking ignored and as more powers and budgets are devolved downwards, the staff we are redeploying to the six new district Town Halls will insulate us impotent  important pricks at the top and the blame for any cock-ups can swiftly be passed down the chain, conversely any plaudits, awards, cash prizes etc., we will swiftly grab  will be pushed up the chain of command to where they rightly belong.You don't seriously believe any of this tosh is for YOUR benefit. Do you??

I also explained to Council staff about our new con trick  commitment – as part of the Cooperative approach – to enable them to' invest'  time back into the community.
We’ll allow staff to take three days of paid leave annually to put something back into the local area to support groups and initiatives where their expertise can make a big difference. This is the Lie-bour definition of 'invest.'  We take YOUR money and give it to our Lie-bour placemen to have three days paid holiday.  It may be someone in our finance team helping a local charity apply for grant funding or do their books, for example, or someone from our Environmental/Parks teams assisting them with a community garden, clean-up or allotment scheme.  (Ed.What fucking expertise are we talking about here? The town is a bankrupt shit heap caused by these self same people. Would you want them cooking  doing your books?)

 This is  what a Cooperative Borough should look like. Everybody working together – public sector, hand-in-wallet with residents – to achieve a common goal that improves the amount we are entitled to claim.
I also want to put improved aspirations at the top of our agenda as an Authority.  Aspiration in the medical sense that is, of sucking something from a body. In your cases more fucking Council Tax

My vision from here is that every apprentice starting work at Oldham Council should be able to aspire to climb all the way up to the top, and become Chief Executive. It's really quite easy, it would seem you don't appear to need many qualifications but it's good to know as many folk as possible in the Old Boy's Network. Aiming for my position as Fuhrer  Supreme Being  Leader of The Council is not worthwhile as I don't intend to relinquish my position whilst still living and possibly even, sometime after that.

In a generation’s time I would like to see all councillors and the majority of senior management in the Council  produced from myself by cloning – and thereby allow me to claim every penny for myself...... – It's mine! All mine, I tell you!

A crucial part of this Cooperative jigsaw – beyond staff and residents – Everything in this town is beyond staff and residents! Will be to make Members more effective. If my member was more effective I could forego the cloning!

Across all the political parties it was very clear to me that our Members do believe in the Borough, some also believe in fairies and others swear by the pills that claim to increase the size of your penis. We need to give these people all the help we can..

Being a Councillor is not a profession – it’s a money grabbing free for all snatch and grab and there is no defined ‘career path’ into it. That’s why we need to support and enable them all to perform better through appropriate training and development in all aspects of allowance claiming, jolly-joining and the rest of the arcane arts of being a councillor.

Finally today – on a very different tangent – I’m pleased to report that good progress is being made by Charlie's friends  Langtree, with whom Oldham Council recently signed a development agreement to con the shit out of us over  Hollinwood.
Langtree, run by several of Charlie's buddies,  has already moved quickly to appoint key personnel to make things happen. they are currently working out of Charlie's luxurious suite of offices in the Tower and I’m looking forward to receiving my plain brown envelope and seeing the architects’ Masterplan for the area which is believed to include a seven seater luxury cinema.

Redeveloping the key sites in question here – alongside The Ghost Train's   Metrostink’s arrival – can help me strengthen Hollinwood’s identity - Hi Hollinwood - it's next to Fails -Worth where I'm from. If I can divert a lot more resources from this shit-hole, Oldham, I can make myself look really impotent  important and secure its position it as a destination of regional importance. (Ed. Importance to whom? For what?  A destination? It's one of those places best avoided even if you noticed it in passing)

Thanks for letting me talk at you.

James (Little Jimmy) Pudden Face 

If any of you think this is fanciful read the original tripe at

Saturday, September 17, 2011


No sooner had the ink dried on the Boundary Commission report outlining the proposed changes to the electoral boundaries, than the usual suspects were up on their hind legs objecting. Our favourite pet, Jeremy Mithering Twat Sutcliffe immediately got involved in the ensuing dogfight, protecting his lord and master Mickey "Tenhouses' Meacher (may he reign in perpetuity, may his rents increase and may his mortgage relief continue, even for four score years). Funny how when the Lie-bour gobshites moved the boundaries to serve their interests it was OK.  Look what that led to.Thirteen years of debt, destruction, lies, theft,  cover-ups, corruption and unfounded wars. But we must be fair and impartial it wasn't all good news.

Last week an astute correspondent to the Oldham Lie-bour Chronicle called our Jermy a Lie-bour Poodle. This served to bring on a fit of (dis)temper in the mangy old cur. Without further ado he flashed back a lightning riposte saying he was more of a Rottweiler. Our opinion?  He's more of a Shih Tzu  Shits You!

This week our intrepid reporter and photographer 'Pug' Barker was out and about and met up with Meacher as his  'flagoneur à nez brun'    brought him up to speed on the situation.

Pug asked the erec elected Member how he felt about the new boundary changes. Mickey said he thought it was a vindictive scheme to oust him from the seat and the people he loath loves. He added that it wasn't all bad news, explaining that if he stood and was successful in the next election, at least he would be rid of a lot of those 'horrid' people in Oldham West and Royton. He was sure he would have a more refined electorate in the new extended constituency.  Our reporter asked why he was never popular with his crook cronies in the last Lie-bour government and why he didn't get a cabinet post. 'I 'm facked if I know,' said the upstanding member. 'I don't give a shit about those unwashed, working-class dim-wits and as for a cabinet post, that was up to Brown.' Which, quite co-incidentally, was where our Jeremy was at that moment.

Our reporter managed to collar Jermy after Meacher had absorbed everything his lap-dog could give him. "How did he take it?" our reporter asked absentmindedly as he examined the bottoms of his shoes, trying to locate the source of the excremental odour pervading the area. 'He ran in circles chasing his tail for a while but eventually he took it standing up,' replied our hero, picking a piece of Bonio from between his teeth. 'He never flinched, even though I gave it to him 'root and branch, and I must add, it was one of the greatest pleasures of my miserable life to have served such a great  Dane man.'  "Did you feel threatened?" asked Pug. 'Never!' cried the runt of the litter 'You will notice I'm wearing a safety harness at the insistence of Health and Safety. This would have enabled me to be pulled to safety had I got drawn into a nasty situation.'  "Do you think this will leave any lasting effects?" asked our scribe. ' I don't think so growled the little nipper, we took all precautions and besides, I didn't inhale!'

+ + + Late News + + + 

We have just heard news from "The Kennel', home of  Jermy the Shits-You, regarding his future should Mickey Tenhouses relinquish his hold on Oldham West and Royton or as it will shortly be known Cumbria and Norfolk East. Jermy has decided to have himself 'put down,'  stuffed and presented to the new love of his life - The Divine Being, Little Jimmy Pudden Face, (may his allowances soar ever upwards, may his chubby chops soar ever outwards) - for use as a foot-stool in the council chamber.

Saturday, September 10, 2011


Oldham Council to shed 400 jobs in next round of cuts!
Oldham Advertiser Thurs 8/9/2011

Number of unemployed in town rises by 10% in last ten years!
Oldham Advertiser Thurs 8/9/2011

Details of Oldham Council's deal with Oldham Athletic revealed!
Oldham Advertiser Tues 6/9/2011

'We need to restore pride in our town,' says Council Leader Jim McMahon!
Oldham Advertiser Thurs 8/9/2011

Oldham Council Leader spends £3,000 on new carpet in £10,000 office refurbishment!!
Oldham Advertiser Thurs 1/9/2011

 The Wulfe  Fri 9/9/2011

Thursday, September 8, 2011



Failure is not an option: You're right Jimmy baby, it's compulsory!

Oldham Council leader outlines Labour’s 50 achievements in 100 days

Little Jimmy Pudden Face pictured (left), with the Lie-bour Party symbol of office.

Leader of the council, Little Jimmy Pudden Face (31) believes it has been an energising start for himself and the new Labour regime at Oldham Council. We would have been better off with the energizer bunny! At least it would have made us laff unlike Jim and his bunch of moronic, mirthless mongs.

Seizing control from the Lib-Dems earlier this year, the 31-year-old, who is now 31, has outlined 50 achievements he believes the Labour Party has notched up in the borough in its short tenure. It all depends on what you mean by and classify as 'an achievement'. We don't know about tenure it's more like manure, stinking and redolent of a shit-heap. Well that's Oldham for you!

The 31 year old council leader said he was  determined to put a stop on timewasters and money wasted on “mundane” buildings. So presumably this includes the 60 oxygen wasters on the Council and the Tower Of Babble they inhabit?

31 year old Jimmy went on to say, “We spend 99 per cent of our time dealing with 1 per cent of the population, who want to cause the council grief, who want to talk Oldham down, who want to be a thorn in the side of local councillors. These, presumably are the people who have wised up to the nefarious schemes of the elected sponges and dare to defy them and speak out against the pillocks who think themselves above criticism and/or ridicule  What the 31 year old really meant to say was, 'We spend 1 per cent of our time dealing with matters that affect the whole town and 99 oer cent of our time bickering over Lie-bour party dogma and allowances.

“So that’s going to be stopped.”  Exactly which bit will be stopped. We hope it's the constant reminder that Jimmy Baby is a mere 31 year old.

The 31 year old council leader claims Oldham has a “lot of catching up to do” when it comes to regeneration because Oldham was left behind as the focus was on other areas in Greater Manchester. So where the fuck was Little Jimmy and his ilk when we were being left behind. What the fuck were our elected representatives doing when the 'regeneration' cash and plans were being bandied around for the last thirty or forty years? Too fucking busy with their own self aggrandisement plans that's what! Take a look around the town. Look at all the superfluous shit in the wrong place. Buildings and whole areas destroyed to cater to the whims of a set of braindead cunts! Look at what we have now.  Fuck all just about covers it!

Jimmy, who will be 32 next birthday,  said approx £250,000 a year is spent simply on securing old buildings, which he claims is “ridiculous”. Yep, you're right baby. Just leave 'em all unsecured. That should save some brass!

  “We spent quite a lot of money on quite mundane buildings and some very poor buildings. We need to get that sorted.”  Yep, again, let's start with that abortion of Soviet neo-concretism, the Tower Of Babble, an eyesore in the centre of town for too long. Have you noticed that every piece of prime land in the town-centre is occupied by some band of chair polishers or another. Fuck 'em all off along with the ill thought-out failure that is Spingles and let's run a competition in the borough's primary schools to design a new, shopper friendly, town centre

Jim, who is in his early thirties, said, “When people talk about government waste, that’s one area we are looking at.”  "We can learn a lot from government on how to increase our wastage and at the same time pocket even more allowances.

Jimmy Pudden face, who was elected as a borough councillor at the tender age of 23 in 2003 and is now 31, is hoping this Labour regime will be judged on their “results”. Results so far this season have been  dismal and relegation looms.

At 31 years of age Little Jimmy is one of the youngest 31 year-olds in local government.


Labour’s 50 claims of success

::  Oldham Athletic’s multi-milllon pound regeneration programme Up to and maybe above £5M of our cash to be used to purchase the Lancaster site which no-one wants and is not much use for anything except winding up Failsworth residents by proposing all sorts of building plans just to piss them off.

:: Oldham Roughyed’s future at Whitebank Stadium. 14 years after the thieving Lie-bour shites, led by The devious gobshite Battye stole Watersheddings off ORLFC by promising them a new ground. This is it! What a fucking step up! It's part of somebody's garden down Crimeside! Stadium. My arse!

:: Living Wage for council employees. Depends WHERE they're living don't it?  If in Ethiopia or Mongolia I suppose they would be quite well off. Won't matter shortly, we'll be down to a couple of dozen council employees when all our amenities and facilities shut down.

:: Reduced number of cabinet members. Reduced from eight to twelve. This is known as the Lie-bour theory of no relativity. Or as we call it creative accounting.

:: Funding for two benefits and welfare advice officers.  Two more Lie-bour placemen, managerial incompetents. Appointed to help the feckless and workshy of the borough more easily sponge off the rest of us.

:: Cooperative Commission introduced. Involve as many people in your daft schemes as possible, making them eternally in your thrall and add 'em to your client base. Co-operative in this context means: you work, I claim the divvi.

:: Devolved over £2 millon to neighbourhoods.   Devolved from where? Who has it now?  Who will be responsible for it if it ever happens? Please don't tell us, 'councillors'  One definition of devolve:  "To degenerate or deteriorate gradually" Sounds about right.

:: Six district town halls established, with 500 staff to follow.  Six fucking useless town halls which will have no function or powers (politicians, especially Lie-bour don't cede power that easily). But they will prove a fertile breeding ground for ever more managers, assistant managers, deputy managers even to the extent of employing every fucker in the local Lie-bour party. Smoke and mirrors once again.

:: Councillors’ credit cards stopped.  They won't just put everything on their own cards then claim it all back from the council, WILL THEY?

:: War memorials’ renovation programme. There is already a programme in operation. The increase promised by Little Jimmy can easily be passed over. Folks only think of war memorials once a year.

:: Chauffeur-driven councillors and officers stopped.  By the police we hope and charged with fraudulent misrepresentation. Who are these chauffeur driven councillors and officers? We've all got a good idea, haven't we? Who authorised it?  It's unlikely to stop, Lie-bour don't give up perks easily.  List of names and costs required on this one.

:: Councillors’ allowances reduced by 10 per cent.  This will be after they get a rise of approx 20% to cover increased responsibilities. They couldn't be responsible if they tried. Likely to result in more outlay. Lie-bour don't give up allowances easily.

:: Junior University programme reinstated.  Unlikely to happen. Another smoke and mirrors project. Sounds good on paper and pleases all the educational agitators, who will vote Lie-bour.

:: Funding of a new high-speed broadband link to Oldham. Are they taking the piss? We can't even get a slow-speed rail link. Where's the money coming from? Are they proposing this is for everyone or is it just the time-wasters in the Tower?

:: End to the cycle of “redundancies to pay for redundancies” — which will save up to £2.5million a year, which will be squandered  invested in a "redundancies to pay for recruitment" scheme to enable us to recruit yet more top class managers.

:: Revised district identity policy to promote local identity. A new scheme devised to waste as much tax-payers cash as possible. Lie-bour councillors blown up like puffer fish will waste countless thousands blowing their own trumpets. A case of mistaken identity.

:: Submit accounts for approval, one of the first councils in England to do so.  Who to?  Which accounts? Submit them to us for approval!

:: Reopen Limecroft respite care centre.   An election promise. Scene of a one act drama from Little Jimmy. No sign of action. Note: it doesn't say re-opened  Limecroft. What this flummery means is, we'll do nowt for now and in a while folk will have forgotten about it. Then we can demolish it.

:: Scrapped the council’s propaganda paper.  This is pure propaganda. It will surface under another name in due course.

:: Signed development agreement for regenerating Hollinwood.   Another Hollinwood ballbuster from Little Jimmy. He proposes a huge industrial estate, commercial and retail units and 32 screen cinema on a site with very limited access and hardly big enough for Howie Sykes to turn round in.

:: Reinstated free parking on council car parks for blue badge holders.  Wow! There's an achievement! Why was it abolished in the first place. Yet more clear thinking from the West Street wankers.

:: Removed charges for residents’-only parking permits.  Same comments apply as for last item.

:: Scrapped car parking charges at countryside centres.  Not likely to make a scrap of difference. We can only think of one that charges and that's Dovestones. Must cost more to collect than it makes. Smoke and mirrors.

:: Reduced staffing in the leaders’ office, saving £60,000. Two secretarial staff instead of three - good.  A separate secretary for the 'cabinet', back to three - bad.  Two other secretaries to go - good. Ah! but wait a minute they're the ones who deal with other councillor's mail - good (for Jim) - bad (for t'others).  This doesn't take account of the £10,000 Little Jimmy frittered away on moving and redecorating "The Leader's Office,"  including £3,000 for a fucking carpet. Lie-bour don't give up the trappings of office easily. Bloody marvellous ain't it? The town is going down the shitter and this twat is stroking his ego painting and decorating.

:: Allocated over £360,000 for area investments such as play areas. Allocated is the key word here. Until you have actually got your hands on the moolah nothing has been achieved. Another smoke and mirrors operation.

:: Scrapped Trust Oldham   Only Lie-bour and Little Jimmy Pudden Face could call scrapping something an achievement. Probably just as well we don't think anyone did trust Oldham.

:: Recharged over £200,000 to Unity Partnership for rent on Henshaw House. What exactly does this mean? This involves that paragon of business managers, Mouchel who couldn't even run their own company so OMBC gave them free rein to fuck our world over as well. Do they owe us this money? Get it off them ASAP before the scallies do a runner back to Liverpool with the loot.

:: Stopped the closure of Stoneleigh Primary School.  Stoneleigh Primary School to be closed.

:: Supported five Oldham businesses to submit applications to the Regional Growth Fund worth over £10 million.  What sort of 'achievement ' is this? Riding into town again on the back of another man's horse.

:: Plans brought forward to refurbish the borough’s war memorials, worth £150,000 this year.  This item has already been dealt with. Repetition means we are now down to 49 achievements. 

:: Agreed proposals to build over 100 new properties in Freehold.   Agreed proposals is not a single brick laid. Who is proposing to build 'em?  Over what period?  For what sector of the population?  Private enterprise? Not an achievement.

:: Building of 700 new homes on Primrose Bank and Crossley estates.  To replace how many that were sub-standard when built and have had to be torn down after a relatively short lifespan? Again over what timespan.?

:: Building over 50 new homes at St Mary’s.   Same concerns as previous two items. 50 to replace how many? Heart ripped out of the centre of town.

:: Transfer of Boston House.  Typical Lie-bour council ploy. If something has failed or you don't feel up to keeping it going, give it away.  How is this an achievement?

:: Relocated 60 jobs from Liverpool to Oldham as part of Unity deal. You devious lying fucker Jimmy!  The 60 jobs from Liverpool were brought by Mouchel who had to close their Liverpool office due to the fact they proved fucking inept at running their own business. They lost £15M last year, have £180M of bank debt and had to sack 2,000 staff. The few that were left were shipped over to Oldham and set up in The Business Centre. I'd like to bet we're paying for the fuckers! By the way these bastards are running your town with our money.

:: Hollinwood to become first electric car showroom and charging point.  Another smoke and mirrors promotion. Go to Hollinwood. There is nothing there. There won't be. The scheme just doesn't make sense.

:: Councillor development programme — local leaders.  Oldham councillors are thick and talentless. This accounts for the 'cabinet' system. The half dozen or so who share the brain-cell have ganged up to keep out the fifty or so to whom thought is painful. Another dose of puffery from Jimmy designed to keep us all thinking that he is thinking. He is, but not about us.

:: Oldham Olympic Legacy kick-started.  What Olympic legacy?  We have barely any sporting venues in the town. The two clubs that bear the town name are a joke. Playing fields and amenities lie neglected and semi-derelict. Ask any sports club in the area about help from OMBC.  Now the jokers want to jump on the Olympic bandwagon so Little Jimmy can be snapped with famous sporting personalities. He's already met Paul Scholes. Wow!  I bet that made his day. Paul Scholes that is!

:: Legal action now brought against owners of Royton Assembly Hall. Another of the non-achievement achievements. They've gone! Kaput! Finished! Done! In Liquidation!  So that's goodbye to the £7,000 they owed us in fines. It's also goodbye to the building as it now belongs to the bank which held a mortgage on it. Fuck knows what will become of the site now. Ten years this saga has been playing, successive councils achieving precisely nothing. The developers totally ignored them. Maybe that's what we all should do!

:: Funding for Union Street improvements.   What funding? Where's it coming from? How much? For what? When Metrostink comes it will be dug up. That'll be an improvement. Will there be a tram stop at Chicken City on Union Street? Why not send the tram through Sainsbury's car park like the by-pass. Save a lot of disruption. 

:: Dispute between care homes and council about fee package resolved.  Resolving an argument over fees hardly constitutes an achievement

:: Devolved Oldham in Bloom to all six districts. Necessary to keep all the fucking jobsworths devolved to the districts, in work. Telling umpteen devolved managers to plant some flowers?  Hardly an achievement.

:: Leader’s Blog introduced.  Little Jimmy! This isn't an achievement it's more self puffery. There's so much wrong in this town you haven't got fucking time to write all that drivel. It's no wonder that all these 'achievements' are anything but. Writing about what you would have/could have/should have done or what you will be/ may be/could be/are thinking of doing is not exactly the same as getting up off your now pleasantly plump arse and actually doing something to improve the plight of the town and it's people.

:: Cabinet Advisory Panels introduced.  Not an achievement. A backdoor way of sliding yet more troughers into higher posts so they can draw extra allowances for 'enhanced responsibilities'.

:: Hosted Britain In Bloom.    Not an achievement. Clutching at straws here. Nowhere else in the country in bloom then?

:: Funded repairs to Oldham Way footbridge.  How is this an achievement?  That's what you're there for!  That's what we pay council tax for. My wheelie-bin got emptied last week. Are you claiming that as one of your achievements?

:: Hosted Parks Green Flag judges — retaining seven Green Flags. Same as Britain in Bloom. More straw clutching. Not an achievement.

:: Signed contracts for Oldham and Rochdale Streetlighting PFI programme.  Not an achievement to sign your name on a piece of paper  for a deal brokered by others.

: Exchanged contracts for a new home for Oldham Boxing Club.    How is this an achievement for you Little Jimmy?  OBC found the premises and negotiated for use as a boxing club.. 

:: Chadderton library’s long-term future secured.   The record of Oldham council re libraries is abysmal at best. Any promise made by them guaranteeing future security is to be taken with a pinch of salt.

Well there you have it folks. 31 year old Little Jimmy Pudden Face's list of what he considers 'achievements,'  achieved by him and his Lie-bour co-conspirators over the tumultuous first hundred days of  his reign. We leave you, dear readers to decide how many of these are actual achievements and how many are pure fuckery!  

Monday, September 5, 2011


A little piece of nostalgia for you today. A short video put together by ex-Oldhamer Alan Walkden. These images are from a time when this town could hold it's head up with pride. Unlike to-day when sight or mention of the town makes you want to hide under a rock.


Notice in the opening shot The Old Town Hall when it was a building we were proud of, before the losers, YOU elected, allowed it's descent into decay and dereliction. An obscenity unseen anywhere else in the country. Do our elected twats give a flying fuck? Do they bollocks! Instead we get constant puffery on how Metrostink will bring thousands of people to the town. Do we really want them to see THIS???
No apologies for another pic of the atrocity. We should drag three councillors on the Town Hall steps every Saturday at mid-day, make them lick the building clean, then hang the fuckers in place of those stupid banners.

Notice how pleasant and open High Street was before the Goddamned Spindles cut the town in two. Another bit of inspired urban thinking from the brain dead town planners.

The video mentions that there were twenty-five cinemas in Oldham at one time. The Wulfe can only recall twenty-two. Anyone got a full list? Can you believe a town of this size could go from twenty plus cinemas to NONE?

In the pictures of Star Inn, which you will notice was quite a handsome building before some bastard whitewashed it, you can just see the railings round the old 'Three Valve Set.' Has anyone got a pic of the full set? If you don't know what the Three Valve Set was, ask yer granddad.

Notice the pic of the old Central Library. A perfectly serviceable building sacrificed on the altar of self aggrandisement by the glory hunters on the council. What do we have to replace it? Rogues Gallery Oldham! Was this a screaming priority? Is everything else in the borough tickety-boo? Is it fuck as like! But as long as you can get your name on something, fuck whether we need it or not. The building will be allowed to disintegrate same as the Town Hall, then the fuckfesters can demolish it. Simples!

Chaddy Baths another like the Library, allowed to go to rack and ruin cos the mongs had no money to spend on refurbishment, (they said). What do we get in it's place? The Chadderton Well Being Centre. Another pile of Council flummery. Seven Million quid over budget and a small matter of three quarters of a million quid a year adrift on running costs. And none of the fucking spacewasters noticed??

See the Latics shot. Look at the crowd.  Copy the pic. Show it around. Better still show it to Little Jimmy Pudden face. How many are the Loan Rangers attracting now? Must be thousands cos Little Jimmy's borrowing millions to bail them out of the shit. Mind you a lot of the blame for them being in the said ordure is to be laid at the door of the council chamber, wherein dwell some of the feeblest minds on the planet.

Did anyone notice the picture with the tram coming down Yorkshire Street? Not Union Street, note! Who's daft, us or them?

There was a passing mention of 'air pollution.'  Aye it was from all the industry working to make Oldham the prosperous town it once was. The only scents wafting on the breeze nowadays are curry and marijuana.
For the benefit of any US readers we must explain that the "Knocker Up' was not a sexual pervert, but was the guy who woke you (for a fee) every morning to go to your work (for an explanation of 'work' ask yer granddad.) No alarm clocks in those days.

Last but very much, not least, we have the cotton industry and Platt Brothers Engineers the largest manufacturers of textile machinery in the world. We are told there were 360 cotton mills in Oldham at one time. Just think how many folk they gave employment to. At the turn of the nineteenth century Platt Bros. employed 15,000 people. It was estimated that in 1890 Platts supported 42% of the population of the town.

See the offices from where this global empire was run. Compare it with the square miles of territory now required by the Tossers in the Tower to run the town into the ground.

Platts built Werneth station to better move finished goods and raw materials. The mongs have now demolished it to buld a Metrostink stop. They also built and gave the Lyceum to the town to further the education of it's people. It is now sitting quietly awaiting it's fate. We have no doubt it will go the same way as the Town hall, slowly subsiding into ruin. Samuel Platt was one of the founders of Werneth Cricket Club putting up the cash for the purchase of the ground when it looked as if the club would lose it when the lease expired. Those were the days when local dignitaries gave freely of their time and money to endow the town with many of it's amenities thus improving the lives of ordinary citizens. This is in direct contrast to the ME! ..ME! ...ME! ... bunch of thieves and rogues we have elected to the council. Their only aim being; grab as many allowances as you can and if we have to close amenities and facilities, well so what: I'm alright Jack!  

Samuel Platt invested £25,000, (a fortune in those days), in the Manchester Ship Canal Co. The opening was performed by Queen Victoria sailing up the canal on Sam Platt's yacht. There's name dropping for you.

In 1929 Platt's paid £100,000 for the patents for an automatic loom built by Japanese inventor Sakichi Toyoda. This was serious money. Toyoda changed one letter of his name, used the money to start an automobile manufacturing business, and the rest, as they say, is history. Small world ain't it?



Thursday, September 1, 2011


Once again Hackers, believed to be, until recently,  employed by the News Of The World have managed to get behind the facade of our leader Jim Pudden Face's so called blog. Here again are the real thoughts of the Red Bloater as he attempts a monumental feat of self aggrandisement.
 Blog The second:

The 2012 London Olympics are now just two one year away and last week I attended the lunch of an exciting joint venture that aims to give me and the Borough a lasting legacy of these historic games.

The ‘No Future’ initiative will see OMBC team up with local private sector organisations to watch the games on one of them bloody big LSD tellys. That's probably as near as we'll get. We will also be looking at what can be done to ensure that residents benefit from this opportunity. Not a fucking lot really. It's tough out there.

To many people the London Olympics can seem far away in both time and distance but it's an ideal opportunity to kill two birds with one stone. Schedule your bankruptcy or administration hearing in the High Court at the same time and make your trip worthwhile. Some say that this is a once in a generation opportunity and I believe that the partnership that is No Future will bring me great benefit in securing my rightful share of  this legacy.

At the lunch that took place at Rogues Gallery Oldham I was fortunate to meet members of the No Future Steering Group from both the private and public sectors. I was impressed at how many people are genuinely interested in improving opportunities for residents us and making us wealthier and more power crazed. I'm certain that the seven of us can come up with some scheme to make a nice little profit for us.

 Local ambassador for fair play,  Paul Scholes, displayed the cards he has received from the Premier League, he has 90 yellow ones and  4 red ones. That's the third best in PL history. He was also booked 32 times by the Champions League, the best in the whole competition. They must like him to keep re-booking him so often.  Other home-grown talent  helping to support No Future included  'Pubsy',  Oldham's own graffiti artist,  Okabibele "Thumbs" Hailebikele our very own NW area 'Angry Birds' champion, and the world renowned embalmer Jerry 'Stiff Fingers' Sutcliffe. They were promoting the borough as a place of opportunity to fill your pockets at the trough and somewhere to visit after you were forced to leave when the town closed after being condemned.

Some people will, inevitably, scoff at these goals, but not supporters of Oldham Metropolitan Borough Athletic Football Club. Latics goals are too rare to be scoffed at. Many Nimbys from Failsworth and Saddleworth  will be quick to bring up reasons why it can’t and won't be done. In many cases nothing I say or do and nothing is what I say and do, will make them change their minds. But to those people who are committed to taking advantage of opportunities to plunder the piggy bank, I can pledge that between now and the Olympic flame being lit in London there is a lot of moolah to grab here in Oldham.

Recently, during talks with His Majesty Lord Coe,  I gave him an outline of the facilities we have available. I also gave him a large brown envelope, bulging with most of my years allowances, which I had drawn in advance just in case the pot runs dry. It really hurt parting with all that loot cash, but I am hopeful of getting it back several times over when the whatsits start. I have awarded myself been awarded sole ticket rights for any events we stage. Charlie 'Turd' Parker has a friend who works with a guy who's friendly with a chap who is skilled in precious metal removal refining. Charlie can get us cut price medals and only wants a small commission which probably won't exceed £158,000, so that will save us some money. I wanted to go to 'Pound Medals' but Charlie says his deal makes more sense financially. I hoped to secure the opening ceremonies which would be staged on the platform of the new Mumps tram stop but it looks as if it might not be finished in time. A pity! It would have been the biggest opening in Oldham since Frank Randle opened at the Empire Theatre. We will almost certainly stage the closing. This will be held in The Spindles shopping centre.

Events we have applied to stage and their venues include, but are not limited to ................
The Out Of Town Sprint - Wakes club harriers and big stores would seem to lead the field here.

Slow Bicycle Race - Two laps of a course around Mumps roundabout and Mark Allcock. All traffic signs and diversions to be adhered to. No dismounting.

Synchronised Swimming - Churchill Playing Fields

Karate - The TJ Hughes Centre Of Excellence

Shooting Men's Small Bore -  Local hotshot Jerry 'Mithering Twat' Sutcliffe sure to be found in the winners enclosure, or a weighted sack in Crime Lake.

Pot Holing Finals - Scheduled for Ripponden Road

The Marathon - Four laps of the hysterical historic by-pass. Unique in being the only town by-pass in the world to pass through a supermarket car-park and a filling station. - If wet Royton Assembly Hall.

Cleaning The Windows in the Old Town Hall - A new event. Local interest focuses on Don Errock who should clean up here, as long as the event is held out of licensing hours.

Mixed Sumo Wrestling - Final likely to be between local aces Howie 'Honey Boy' Sykes and Anne 'Whirlwind' Wingate. Get your money on the outsider.

Boxing - Al's gym Werneth  Royton

Diving - We had hoped to host the diving finals at Oldham Sports Centre but this was ruled out when it was found the boards were not high enough and it was felt that local folk might object to us spending £12Million to raise the roof by 30 feet. My suggestion to lower the water level was unfortunately not considered. Diving will continue to take place at Old Trafford.

I intend this to be a co-operative undertaking  i.e. you will do all the work: I will collect the divvi. I intend to let the six local areas run their own arrangements.  This way you can't blame me for any cock-ups. To this end we have appointed six new Olympics Senior managers, twelve deputy managers and 18 assistant managers. Office staff will be provided by a temp agency. We have provided office space at all centres and these have been re-furbished at minimum cost, for example we re-carpeted them all with some old carpet that was hanging around my office. It is quite serviceable and looks very nice when laid (unlike most of our lady councillors).  All this has resulted in huge savings to the borough so taxpayers can look forward to a smaller rise in Council Tax next year.

Should we be awarded any rowing events, I will have the Park Lake dredged of shopping trolleys and drug dealers and will put the Royal  Leader's yacht at the disposal of the organisers for use by the linesmen referees umpires whatever they call those guys in stripey blazers running the show. 

Here is an informal snap taken aboard my official yacht, Mayoress II as I am on my way to take the salute at the Spotland Review on the Rochdale canal. It was a tremendous spectacle as dozens  several  two OAPs in an adapted Eskimo Kayak sailed proudly past responding to my salute with the time honoured response of all canal boaters.

Finally, The Olympic Village. Athletes will be housed in the tented village on Albion Street and Curzon Street. Artisans who are currently using these magnificent purpose built structures will be re-housed pro-tem  on the old Tommyfield  sight  site. We know it will probably cause hardship but, Hey! What the hell! This is for the benefit of everyone in the council  town.

That's all for now folks - Securicor have just arrived with my Leaders allowances. So that's the rest of the day gone while I count it.

Thanks for being talked at: ...............Little Jimmy Pudden Face  


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