THERE WAS I DIGGING THIS 'OLE ....!

Oldham Road, Failsworth. One large hole in road surrounded by barriers and fencing. How long has it been festering there? A mere six months! Half a year the bastard thing has lain in the road disrupting traffic day after day. Has anything been done about it? Fuck no! But great minds are now thinking about it, as it has been realised that it won't heal up on it's own. Holes are now the remit of Counc Dave  Fibber Hibbert cabinet member for Arsing, Traipsing and Degeneration. He inherited this from the previous administration where it was filled by Counc Allcock (by name not nature), the position that is, not the hole. So the greatest minds in the known universe have been employed on the problem for months? N-o-o-o, not really. But we may be reaching a pivotal moment in the art of holemanship. Diddy, daddy Dave says, wait for it, "The problem is due to a collapsed culvert."  Phew! Thank God for that. Some of us were thinking it must be a black hole or a wormhole in space at least. But don't get complacent we are not out of the woods yet. Fibber tells us," This is a complex repair and we are working on a scheme to provide a long term solution." Ah, I see we are working on a plan to formulate a plan to plan the work we intend to carry out according to plan. Got that? Why not ask Fatarse Allcock (by name not nature), he should know all about culverts and 'oles. After all he spent most of the last administration stood in one on Rochdale Rd. Failing that, we have a cunning plan to cure the depression.

First: Dig largish hole down to culvert, sewer or whatever.
Second: Mend culvert, sewer or whatever.
Third: Fill in largish hole.
Fourth: Drop dollop of tarmac on top and roll for ten minutes or so with heavy round object (see Allcock (by name not nature)).
Fifth: Have a brew and a fag, fuck off home early.

I guess what we are saying is - GET YOUR FUCKING FINGER OUT  'IBBERT.  There have been holes in roads since time immoral. This is stone age science. It doesn't need schemes it needs three blokes with a digger and two shovels. You did enough spouting about what useless wankers the Lib-Dems were. I guess it takes one to know one. FILL IN or FUCK OFF!

IF YOU'D SAID....NO! WE WOULDN'T BE IN THIS SHIT!