Once again Hackers, believed to be, until recently, employed by the News Of The World have managed to get behind the facade of our leader Jim Pudden Face's so called blog. Here again are the real thoughts of the Red Bloater as he attempts a monumental feat of self aggrandisement.
Blog The second:
The 2012 London Olympics are now just two one year away and last week I
attended the lunch of an exciting joint venture that aims to give me and the
Borough a lasting legacy of these historic games.
The ‘No Future’ initiative will see OMBC team up with
local private sector organisations to watch the games on one of them bloody big LSD tellys. That's probably as near as we'll get. We will also be looking at what can be done to ensure
that residents benefit from this opportunity. Not a fucking lot really. It's tough out there.
To many people the London Olympics can seem far away in both time and
distance but it's an ideal opportunity to kill two birds with one stone. Schedule your bankruptcy or administration hearing in the High Court at the same time and make your trip worthwhile. Some say that this is a once in a
generation opportunity and I believe that the partnership that is No
Future will bring me great benefit in securing my rightful share of this
legacy.
At the lunch that took place at Rogues Gallery Oldham I was fortunate to
meet members of the No Future Steering Group from both the private and
public sectors. I was impressed at how many people are genuinely
interested in improving opportunities for residents us and making us wealthier and more power crazed. I'm certain that the seven of us can come up with some scheme to make a nice little profit for us.
Local ambassador for fair play,
Paul Scholes, displayed the cards he has received from the Premier League, he has 90 yellow ones and 4 red ones. That's the third best in PL history. He was also booked 32 times by the Champions League, the best in the whole competition. They must like him to keep re-booking him so often. Other home-grown talent
helping to support No Future included 'Pubsy', Oldham's own graffiti artist, Okabibele "Thumbs" Hailebikele our very own NW area 'Angry Birds' champion, and the world renowned embalmer Jerry 'Stiff Fingers' Sutcliffe. They were promoting the borough as a place of opportunity
to fill your pockets at the trough and somewhere to visit after you were forced to leave when the town closed after being condemned.
Some people will, inevitably, scoff at these goals, but not supporters of Oldham Metropolitan Borough Athletic Football Club. Latics goals are too rare to be scoffed at. Many Nimbys from Failsworth and Saddleworth will be quick to
bring up reasons why it can’t and won't be done. In many cases nothing I say or do
and nothing is what I say and do, will make them change their minds. But to those people who are
committed to taking advantage of opportunities to plunder the piggy bank, I can pledge that between
now and the Olympic flame being lit in London there is a lot of moolah to grab here
in Oldham.
Recently, during talks with His Majesty Lord Coe, I gave him an outline of the facilities we have available. I also gave him a large brown envelope, bulging with most of my years allowances, which I had drawn in advance just in case the pot runs dry. It really hurt parting with all that loot cash, but I am hopeful of getting it back several times over when the whatsits start. I have awarded myself been awarded sole ticket rights for any events we stage. Charlie 'Turd' Parker has a friend who works with a guy who's friendly with a chap who is skilled in precious metal removal refining. Charlie can get us cut price medals and only wants a small commission which probably won't exceed £158,000, so that will save us some money. I wanted to go to 'Pound Medals' but Charlie says his deal makes more sense financially. I hoped to secure the opening ceremonies which would be staged on the platform of the new Mumps tram stop but it looks as if it might not be finished in time. A pity! It would have been the biggest opening in Oldham since Frank Randle opened at the Empire Theatre. We will almost certainly stage the closing. This will be held in The Spindles shopping centre.
Events we have applied to stage and their venues include, but are not limited to ................
The Out Of Town Sprint - Wakes club harriers and big stores would seem to lead the field here.
Slow Bicycle Race - Two laps of a course around Mumps roundabout and Mark Allcock. All traffic signs and diversions to be adhered to. No dismounting.
Synchronised Swimming - Churchill Playing Fields
Karate - The TJ Hughes Centre Of Excellence
Shooting Men's Small Bore - Local hotshot Jerry 'Mithering Twat' Sutcliffe sure to be found in the winners enclosure, or a weighted sack in Crime Lake.
Pot Holing Finals - Scheduled for Ripponden Road
The Marathon - Four laps of the hysterical historic by-pass. Unique in being the only town by-pass in the world to pass through a supermarket car-park and a filling station. - If wet Royton Assembly Hall.
Cleaning The Windows in the Old Town Hall - A new event. Local interest focuses on Don Errock who should clean up here, as long as the event is held out of licensing hours.
Mixed Sumo Wrestling - Final likely to be between local aces Howie 'Honey Boy' Sykes and Anne 'Whirlwind' Wingate. Get your money on the outsider.
Boxing - Al's gym Werneth Royton
Diving - We had hoped to host the diving finals at Oldham Sports Centre but this was ruled out when it was found the boards were not high enough and it was felt that local folk might object to us spending £12Million to raise the roof by 30 feet. My suggestion to lower the water level was unfortunately not considered. Diving will continue to take place at Old Trafford.
I intend this to be a co-operative undertaking i.e. you will do all the work: I will collect the divvi. I intend to let the six local areas run their own arrangements. This way you can't blame me for any cock-ups. To this end we have appointed six new Olympics Senior managers, twelve deputy managers and 18 assistant managers. Office staff will be provided by a temp agency. We have provided office space at all centres and these have been re-furbished at minimum cost, for example we re-carpeted them all with some old carpet that was hanging around my office. It is quite serviceable and looks very nice when laid (unlike most of our lady councillors). All this has resulted in huge savings to the borough so taxpayers can look forward to a smaller rise in Council Tax next year.
Should we be awarded any rowing events, I will have the Park Lake dredged of shopping trolleys and drug dealers and will put the Royal Leader's yacht at the disposal of the organisers for use by the linesmen referees umpires whatever they call those guys in stripey blazers running the show.
Here is an informal snap taken aboard my official yacht, Mayoress II as I am on my way to take the salute at the Spotland Review on the Rochdale canal. It was a tremendous spectacle as dozens several two OAPs in an adapted Eskimo Kayak sailed proudly past responding to my salute with the time honoured response of all canal boaters.
Finally, The Olympic Village. Athletes will be housed in the tented village on Albion Street and Curzon Street. Artisans who are currently using these magnificent purpose built structures will be re-housed pro-tem on the old Tommyfield sight site. We know it will probably cause hardship but, Hey! What the hell! This is for the benefit of everyone in the council town.
That's all for now folks - Securicor have just arrived with my Leaders allowances. So that's the rest of the day gone while I count it.
Thanks for being talked at: ...............Little Jimmy Pudden Face
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