DOGGONE !!!

No sooner had the ink dried on the Boundary Commission report outlining the proposed changes to the electoral boundaries, than the usual suspects were up on their hind legs objecting. Our favourite pet, Jeremy Mithering Twat Sutcliffe immediately got involved in the ensuing dogfight, protecting his lord and master Mickey "Tenhouses' Meacher (may he reign in perpetuity, may his rents increase and may his mortgage relief continue, even for four score years). Funny how when the Lie-bour gobshites moved the boundaries to serve their interests it was OK.  Look what that led to.Thirteen years of debt, destruction, lies, theft,  cover-ups, corruption and unfounded wars. But we must be fair and impartial it wasn't all good news.

Last week an astute correspondent to the Oldham Lie-bour Chronicle called our Jermy a Lie-bour Poodle. This served to bring on a fit of (dis)temper in the mangy old cur. Without further ado he flashed back a lightning riposte saying he was more of a Rottweiler. Our opinion?  He's more of a Shih Tzu  Shits You!

This week our intrepid reporter and photographer 'Pug' Barker was out and about and met up with Meacher as his  'flagoneur à nez brun'    brought him up to speed on the situation.

Pug asked the erec elected Member how he felt about the new boundary changes. Mickey said he thought it was a vindictive scheme to oust him from the seat and the people he loath loves. He added that it wasn't all bad news, explaining that if he stood and was successful in the next election, at least he would be rid of a lot of those 'horrid' people in Oldham West and Royton. He was sure he would have a more refined electorate in the new extended constituency.  Our reporter asked why he was never popular with his crook cronies in the last Lie-bour government and why he didn't get a cabinet post. 'I 'm facked if I know,' said the upstanding member. 'I don't give a shit about those unwashed, working-class dim-wits and as for a cabinet post, that was up to Brown.' Which, quite co-incidentally, was where our Jeremy was at that moment.

Our reporter managed to collar Jermy after Meacher had absorbed everything his lap-dog could give him. "How did he take it?" our reporter asked absentmindedly as he examined the bottoms of his shoes, trying to locate the source of the excremental odour pervading the area. 'He ran in circles chasing his tail for a while but eventually he took it standing up,' replied our hero, picking a piece of Bonio from between his teeth. 'He never flinched, even though I gave it to him 'root and branch, and I must add, it was one of the greatest pleasures of my miserable life to have served such a great  Dane man.'  "Did you feel threatened?" asked Pug. 'Never!' cried the runt of the litter 'You will notice I'm wearing a safety harness at the insistence of Health and Safety. This would have enabled me to be pulled to safety had I got drawn into a nasty situation.'  "Do you think this will leave any lasting effects?" asked our scribe. ' I don't think so growled the little nipper, we took all precautions and besides, I didn't inhale!'

+ + + Late News + + + 

We have just heard news from "The Kennel', home of  Jermy the Shits-You, regarding his future should Mickey Tenhouses relinquish his hold on Oldham West and Royton or as it will shortly be known Cumbria and Norfolk East. Jermy has decided to have himself 'put down,'  stuffed and presented to the new love of his life - The Divine Being, Little Jimmy Pudden Face, (may his allowances soar ever upwards, may his chubby chops soar ever outwards) - for use as a foot-stool in the council chamber.