Failure is not an option: You're right Jimmy baby, it's compulsory!
Oldham Council leader outlines Labour’s 50 achievements in 100 days
Little Jimmy Pudden Face pictured (left), with the Lie-bour Party symbol of office.
Leader of the council, Little Jimmy Pudden Face (31) believes it has been an energising start for himself and the new Labour regime at Oldham Council. We would have been better off with the energizer bunny! At least it would have made us laff unlike Jim and his bunch of moronic, mirthless mongs.
Seizing control from the Lib-Dems earlier this year, the 31-year-old, who is now 31, has
outlined 50 achievements he believes the Labour Party has notched up in
the borough in its short tenure. It all depends on what you mean by and classify as 'an achievement'. We don't know about tenure it's more like manure, stinking and redolent of a shit-heap. Well that's Oldham for you!
The 31 year old council leader said he was determined to put a stop on timewasters
and money wasted on “mundane” buildings. So presumably this includes the 60 oxygen wasters on the Council and the Tower Of Babble they inhabit?
31 year old Jimmy went on to say, “We spend 99 per cent of our time dealing with 1 per cent of the
population, who want to cause the council grief, who want to talk Oldham
down, who want to be a thorn in the side of local councillors. These, presumably are the people who have wised up to the nefarious schemes of the elected sponges and dare to defy them and speak out against the pillocks who think themselves above criticism and/or ridicule What the 31 year old really meant to say was, 'We spend 1 per cent of our time dealing with matters that affect the whole town and 99 oer cent of our time bickering over Lie-bour party dogma and allowances.
“So that’s going to be stopped.” Exactly which bit will be stopped. We hope it's the constant reminder that Jimmy Baby is a mere 31 year old.
The 31 year old council leader claims Oldham has a “lot of catching up to do” when
it comes to regeneration because Oldham was left behind as the focus was
on other areas in Greater Manchester. So where the fuck was Little Jimmy and his ilk when we were being left behind. What the fuck were our elected representatives doing when the 'regeneration' cash and plans were being bandied around for the last thirty or forty years? Too fucking busy with their own self aggrandisement plans that's what! Take a look around the town. Look at all the superfluous shit in the wrong place. Buildings and whole areas destroyed to cater to the whims of a set of braindead cunts! Look at what we have now. Fuck all just about covers it!
Jimmy, who will be 32 next birthday, said approx £250,000 a year is spent simply on securing old buildings, which he claims is “ridiculous”. Yep, you're right baby. Just leave 'em all unsecured. That should save some brass!
“We spent quite a lot of money on quite mundane buildings and some very poor buildings. We need to get that sorted.” Yep, again, let's start with that abortion of Soviet neo-concretism, the Tower Of Babble, an eyesore in the centre of town for too long. Have you noticed that every piece of prime land in the town-centre is occupied by some band of chair polishers or another. Fuck 'em all off along with the ill thought-out failure that is Spingles and let's run a competition in the borough's primary schools to design a new, shopper friendly, town centre
Jim, who is in his early thirties, said, “When people talk about government waste, that’s one area we are looking at.” "We can learn a lot from government on how to increase our wastage and at the same time pocket even more allowances.
Jimmy Pudden face, who was elected as a borough councillor at the
tender age of 23 in 2003 and is now 31, is hoping this Labour regime will be judged on
their “results”. Results so far this season have been dismal and relegation looms.
At 31 years of age Little Jimmy is one of the youngest 31 year-olds in local government.
SO LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT WHAT BRINGS YOUNG (31 YEARS) JIMMY TO ORGASM IN THE ROTTEN BOROUGH.
Labour’s 50 claims of success
:: Oldham Athletic’s multi-milllon pound regeneration programme Up to and maybe above £5M of our cash to be used to purchase the Lancaster site which no-one wants and is not much use for anything except winding up Failsworth residents by proposing all sorts of building plans just to piss them off.
:: Oldham Roughyed’s future at Whitebank Stadium. 14 years after the thieving Lie-bour shites, led by The devious gobshite Battye stole Watersheddings off ORLFC by promising them a new ground. This is it! What a fucking step up! It's part of somebody's garden down Crimeside! Stadium. My arse!
:: Living Wage for council employees. Depends WHERE they're living don't it? If in Ethiopia or Mongolia I suppose they would be quite well off. Won't matter shortly, we'll be down to a couple of dozen council employees when all our amenities and facilities shut down.
:: Reduced number of cabinet members. Reduced from eight to twelve. This is known as the Lie-bour theory of no relativity. Or as we call it creative accounting.
:: Funding for two benefits and welfare advice officers. Two more Lie-bour placemen, managerial incompetents. Appointed to help the feckless and workshy of the borough more easily sponge off the rest of us.
:: Cooperative Commission introduced. Involve as many people in your daft schemes as possible, making them eternally in your thrall and add 'em to your client base. Co-operative in this context means: you work, I claim the divvi.
:: Devolved over £2 millon to neighbourhoods. Devolved from where? Who has it now? Who will be responsible for it if it ever happens? Please don't tell us, 'councillors' One definition of devolve: "To degenerate or deteriorate gradually" Sounds about right.
:: Six district town halls established, with 500 staff to follow. Six fucking useless town halls which will have no function or powers (politicians, especially Lie-bour don't cede power that easily). But they will prove a fertile breeding ground for ever more managers, assistant managers, deputy managers even to the extent of employing every fucker in the local Lie-bour party. Smoke and mirrors once again.
:: Councillors’ credit cards stopped. They won't just put everything on their own cards then claim it all back from the council, WILL THEY?
:: War memorials’ renovation programme. There is already a programme in operation. The increase promised by Little Jimmy can easily be passed over. Folks only think of war memorials once a year.
:: Chauffeur-driven councillors and officers stopped. By the police we hope and charged with fraudulent misrepresentation. Who are these chauffeur driven councillors and officers? We've all got a good idea, haven't we? Who authorised it? It's unlikely to stop, Lie-bour don't give up perks easily. List of names and costs required on this one.
:: Councillors’ allowances reduced by 10 per cent. This will be after they get a rise of approx 20% to cover increased responsibilities. They couldn't be responsible if they tried. Likely to result in more outlay. Lie-bour don't give up allowances easily.
:: Junior University programme reinstated. Unlikely to happen. Another smoke and mirrors project. Sounds good on paper and pleases all the educational agitators, who will vote Lie-bour.
:: Funding of a new high-speed broadband link to Oldham. Are they taking the piss? We can't even get a slow-speed rail link. Where's the money coming from? Are they proposing this is for everyone or is it just the time-wasters in the Tower?
:: End to the cycle of “redundancies to pay for redundancies” — which will save up to £2.5million a year, which will be
squandered invested in a "redundancies to pay for recruitment" scheme to enable us to recruit yet more top class managers.
:: Revised district identity policy to promote local identity. A new scheme devised to waste as much tax-payers cash as possible. Lie-bour councillors blown up like puffer fish will waste countless thousands blowing their own trumpets. A case of mistaken identity.
:: Submit accounts for approval, one of the first councils in England to do so. Who to? Which accounts? Submit them to us for approval!
:: Reopen Limecroft respite care centre. An election promise. Scene of a one act drama from Little Jimmy. No sign of action. Note: it doesn't say
re-opened Limecroft. What this flummery means is, we'll do nowt for now and in a while folk will have forgotten about it. Then we can demolish it.
:: Scrapped the council’s propaganda paper. This is pure propaganda. It will surface under another name in due course.
:: Signed development agreement for regenerating Hollinwood. Another Hollinwood ballbuster from Little Jimmy. He proposes a huge industrial estate, commercial and retail units and 32 screen cinema on a site with very limited access and hardly big enough for Howie Sykes to turn round in.
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: Reinstated free parking on council car parks for blue badge holders. Wow! There's an achievement! Why was it abolished in the first place. Yet more clear thinking from the West Street wankers.
:: Removed charges for residents’-only parking permits. Same comments apply as for last item.
:: Scrapped car parking charges at countryside centres. Not likely to make a scrap of difference. We can only think of one that charges and that's Dovestones. Must cost more to collect than it makes. Smoke and mirrors.
:: Reduced staffing in the leaders’ office, saving £60,000. Two secretarial staff instead of three - good. A separate secretary for the 'cabinet', back to three - bad. Two other secretaries to go - good. Ah! but wait a minute they're the ones who deal with other councillor's mail - good (for Jim) - bad (for t'others). This doesn't take account of the £10,000 Little Jimmy frittered away on moving and redecorating "The Leader's Office," including £3,000 for a fucking carpet. Lie-bour don't give up the trappings of office easily. Bloody marvellous ain't it? The town is going down the shitter and this twat is stroking his ego painting and decorating.
:: Allocated over £360,000 for area investments such as play areas. Allocated is the key word here. Until you have actually got your hands on the moolah nothing has been achieved. Another smoke and mirrors operation.
:: Scrapped Trust Oldham Only Lie-bour and Little Jimmy Pudden Face could call scrapping something an achievement. Probably just as well we don't think anyone did trust Oldham.
:: Recharged over £200,000 to Unity Partnership for rent on Henshaw House. What exactly does this mean? This involves that paragon of business managers, Mouchel who couldn't even run their own company so OMBC gave them free rein to fuck our world over as well. Do they owe us this money? Get it off them ASAP before the scallies do a runner back to Liverpool with the loot.
:: Stopped the closure of Stoneleigh Primary School. Stoneleigh Primary School to be closed.
:: Supported five Oldham businesses to submit applications to the Regional Growth Fund worth over £10 million. What sort of 'achievement ' is this? Riding into town again on the back of another man's horse.
:: Plans brought forward to refurbish the borough’s war memorials, worth £150,000 this year. This item has already been dealt with. Repetition means we are now down to 49 achievements.
:: Agreed proposals to build over 100 new properties in Freehold. Agreed proposals is not a single brick laid. Who is proposing to build 'em? Over what period? For what sector of the population? Private enterprise? Not an achievement.
:: Building of 700 new homes on Primrose Bank and Crossley estates. To replace how many that were sub-standard when built and have had to be torn down after a relatively short lifespan? Again over what timespan.?
:: Building over 50 new homes at St Mary’s. Same concerns as previous two items. 50 to replace how many? Heart ripped out of the centre of town.
:: Transfer of Boston House. Typical Lie-bour council ploy. If something has failed or you don't feel up to keeping it going, give it away. How is this an achievement?
:: Relocated 60 jobs from Liverpool to Oldham as part of Unity deal. You devious lying fucker Jimmy! The 60 jobs from Liverpool were brought by Mouchel who had to close their Liverpool office due to the fact they proved fucking inept at running their own business. They lost £15M last year, have £180M of bank debt and had to sack 2,000 staff. The few that were left were shipped over to Oldham and set up in The Business Centre. I'd like to bet we're paying for the fuckers! By the way these bastards are running your town with our money.
:: Hollinwood to become first electric car showroom and charging point. Another smoke and mirrors promotion. Go to Hollinwood. There is nothing there. There won't be. The scheme just doesn't make sense.
:: Councillor development programme — local leaders. Oldham councillors are thick and talentless. This accounts for the 'cabinet' system. The half dozen or so who share the brain-cell have ganged up to keep out the fifty or so to whom thought is painful. Another dose of puffery from Jimmy designed to keep us all thinking that he is thinking. He is, but not about us.
:: Oldham Olympic Legacy kick-started. What Olympic legacy? We have barely any sporting venues in the town. The two clubs that bear the town name are a joke. Playing fields and amenities lie neglected and semi-derelict. Ask any sports club in the area about help from OMBC. Now the jokers want to jump on the Olympic bandwagon so Little Jimmy can be snapped with famous sporting personalities. He's already met Paul Scholes. Wow! I bet that made his day. Paul Scholes that is!
:: Legal action now brought against owners of Royton Assembly Hall. Another of the non-achievement achievements. They've gone! Kaput! Finished! Done! In Liquidation! So that's goodbye to the £7,000 they owed us in fines. It's also goodbye to the building as it now belongs to the bank which held a mortgage on it. Fuck knows what will become of the site now. Ten years this saga has been playing, successive councils achieving precisely nothing. The developers totally ignored them. Maybe that's what we all should do!
:: Funding for Union Street improvements. What funding? Where's it coming from? How much? For what? When Metrostink comes it will be dug up. That'll be an improvement. Will there be a tram stop at Chicken City on Union Street? Why not send the tram through Sainsbury's car park like the by-pass. Save a lot of disruption.
:: Dispute between care homes and council about fee package resolved. Resolving an argument over fees hardly constitutes an achievement
:: Devolved Oldham in Bloom to all six districts. Necessary to keep all the fucking jobsworths devolved to the districts, in work. Telling umpteen devolved managers to plant some flowers? Hardly an achievement.
:: Leader’s Blog introduced. Little Jimmy! This isn't an achievement it's more self puffery. There's so much wrong in this town you haven't got fucking time to write all that drivel. It's no wonder that all these 'achievements' are anything but. Writing about what you would have/could have/should have done or what you will be/ may be/could be/are thinking of doing is not exactly the same as getting up off your now pleasantly plump arse and actually doing something to improve the plight of the town and it's people.
:: Cabinet Advisory Panels introduced. Not an achievement. A backdoor way of sliding yet more troughers into higher posts so they can draw extra allowances for 'enhanced responsibilities'.
:: Hosted Britain In Bloom. Not an achievement. Clutching at straws here. Nowhere else in the country in bloom then?
:: Funded repairs to Oldham Way footbridge. How is this an achievement? That's what you're there for! That's what we pay council tax for. My wheelie-bin got emptied last week. Are you claiming that as one of your achievements?
:: Hosted Parks Green Flag judges — retaining seven Green Flags. Same as Britain in Bloom. More straw clutching. Not an achievement.
:: Signed contracts for Oldham and Rochdale Streetlighting PFI programme. Not an achievement to sign your name on a piece of paper for a deal brokered by others.
: Exchanged contracts for a new home for Oldham Boxing Club. How is this an achievement for you Little Jimmy? OBC found the premises and negotiated for use as a boxing club..
:: Chadderton library’s long-term future secured. The record of Oldham council re libraries is abysmal at best. Any promise made by them guaranteeing future security is to be taken with a pinch of salt.
Well there you have it folks. 31 year old Little Jimmy Pudden Face's list of what he considers 'achievements,' achieved by him and his Lie-bour co-conspirators over the tumultuous first hundred days of his reign. We leave you, dear readers to decide how many of these are actual achievements and how many are pure fuckery!
