IF WE 'AD ANOTHER ONE O' THEM ACABUSES I'D 'AVE BIN DONE A GOOD FOUR OR FIVE MINUTES EARLIER. BUT JABBAR THE JUG WAS USING TH' ONLY ONE TO CALCULATE HIS COUNCIL TAX REBATE.

Oldham first to report borough accounts

Oldham Council cabinet
OLDHAM Council has completed its annual accounts in record time.

It is thought to be the first local authority - by several weeks - to publish approved figures for 2012/13

 

 Perennial pillock. Councilor Gushforth. exhausted after an all-night session counting the town's assets. displays our accumulated wealth. Well, he would have done but it's believed our beloved leader, St Jim of Failseverywhere, took it home in a carrier bag as he thought it would be more secure under his mattress, than have all those bent Councillors nosing about in it. Total cash counted in record time amounted to  £7.36p. This is believed to be the down payment on the Wilmott Dixon Town Hall conversion or the Wilmott Dixon Hollinwood Micro Industrial Estate. A close inspection of the strongbox revealed two large overstuffed envelopes behind that left hand door each bearing the name Gushforth and what came as a complete surprise--the fact that the back of the safe had been removed.