DON'T BET AGIN IT!

LATE BREAKING NEWS

Residents angry at bookie plan

RESIDENTS are opposing plans to open a betting shop just yards from an existing store.

Residents angry at House plan

RESIDENTS are opposing plans to Build a house  just yards from an existing betting shop.

  Mr Ali Plotowski Sung-ll has submitted a planning application to turn a unit next to the current Asda store in Hollins Road into a house..

Objectors say there is already a house 200 yards away - and question how the conversion would benefit the area. Council’s planning officers have recommended the application for approval.

Council leader Councillor Jimmy, 'Little Pudden Face' McMahon has previously hit out at the proliferation of houses and bungalows - which he says prey on the poor and vulnerable.

Houses need planning permission or change of use consent unless a councillor asks for a plain brown envelope or someone finds out and the proposal has to be discussed in public.

Councillor Jean Stretcher, occasional table cabinet member for being un-cooperative and whoops there goes the neighbourhood and backward councillor for Hollinwood, is leading the fight against the plans and has referred it to the council’s planning committee.

She said: “I don’t think we need any more houses in Hollins Road, and it is certainly not the best use of the unit. I would be in support of any measure that means we don’t get more maisonettes and designer homes.”

Mr Sung-Il declined a request to comment from his huge gambling empire on the Pacific Rim.

YON THIRD FORMER'S ET OUR LION!

School zoo ban over pupil behaviour

OLDHAM pupils were so badly behaved on a trip to Chester Zoo their school has been banned for two years.

Officials say the actions of 29 children from the Radclyffe School, Chadderton, were so inappropriate they threw them out of the zoo.

Around 300 students were on the trip — intended as a treat for year nine and ten youngsters.

But the conduct of some children was so disruptive zoo officials says they had no option but to enforce the ban, which will last until 2015.  

Ground breaking initiative from local school.

In an attempt to increase their knowledge of the natural world, school governors and Mr Wishy Washy the Head of The Radclyffe School, Chadderton, have formulated a plan to introduce knobheads, scallies, recidivists,and other general time wasters to the great animal kingdom. As soon as the teachers have become acclimatised to the new regime, pupils bother causers the brain dead little bastards will be in for a great treat. Once a week they will be securely locked in stinking cages, (a homely touch this), whilst  keepers from Chester Zoo will parade a selection of unfamiliar animals before them. Zookeepers have pledged that there will be no bad behaviour from the animals. Any Camels or Llamas caught spitting at the chosen ones will be barred from the school for a minimum two year period. Any Hyena uttering as much as a snigger will have steps taken against it that will utterly astound it. Any of the scruffy, threadbare Baboons discovered sitting in prominent positions idly scratching their scrotums will be sent back to Teacher Training College, (or 'The Pub' as we call it). There they will undertake course 47-00-illusion. "Whatever made me think I had any talent for this job?"  Free maps to the Job Centre will be provided, (only to those who can prove an ability to read.)
As a special treat at the end of the visit all the cages will be opened and the little shitheads will enjoy free association with Ronnie and Reggie , the zoo's lovable pet Rhinos.   

IF WE 'AD ANOTHER ONE O' THEM ACABUSES I'D 'AVE BIN DONE A GOOD FOUR OR FIVE MINUTES EARLIER. BUT JABBAR THE JUG WAS USING TH' ONLY ONE TO CALCULATE HIS COUNCIL TAX REBATE.

Oldham first to report borough accounts

Oldham Council cabinet
OLDHAM Council has completed its annual accounts in record time.

It is thought to be the first local authority - by several weeks - to publish approved figures for 2012/13

 

 Perennial pillock. Councilor Gushforth. exhausted after an all-night session counting the town's assets. displays our accumulated wealth. Well, he would have done but it's believed our beloved leader, St Jim of Failseverywhere, took it home in a carrier bag as he thought it would be more secure under his mattress, than have all those bent Councillors nosing about in it. Total cash counted in record time amounted to  £7.36p. This is believed to be the down payment on the Wilmott Dixon Town Hall conversion or the Wilmott Dixon Hollinwood Micro Industrial Estate. A close inspection of the strongbox revealed two large overstuffed envelopes behind that left hand door each bearing the name Gushforth and what came as a complete surprise--the fact that the back of the safe had been removed.