Most Improved Council?? ¹
Same thieving tossers on it!
L to R - Coun Shoa Boata, Little Jimmy Pudden-Face, Charlie Smirker
¹ From what
You must have read that Oldham was crowned Most Improved Council at the Local Government Chronicle Awards 2012.
You will all have seen the pictures of Hear No Evil, See No Evil and Just Fucking Evil, collecting the priceless solid glass paperweight wot we won. With Little Jimmy simpering: “This is a fantastic achievement and a proud night."
All well and good we hear you cry, but why do they need to get dressed up like blackjacks to pick up a bit of Pyrex from an awards ceremony at the Mechanic's Institute?
Aaaah! They neglected to tell us that this awards ceremony was not a local affair but was held in Lunnun and not just anywhere in Lunnun. Oh no! In the chandeliered Great Room of the five-star Grosvenor House Hotel on Park Lane, Mayfair, no less!
Impressed now aren't you?
How can we best describe the event? I know we'll let The Daily Telegraph 17/3/2012 sum up the whole glittery affair:
'Council leaders spent tens of thousands of pounds of public money to attend a candle-lit dinner at which they toasted the way in which they have handled the cuts.'
"More than 1200 senior local government officers, many of whom have overseen redundancies and deep cuts to services, attended the black tie awards ceremony in the chandeliered Great Room of the five-star Grosvenor House Hotel on Park Lane, Mayfair, on Wednesday.
Tickets ranged from £1700 to £7200 per table of ten."
JOLLY ALERT - - JOLLY ALERT - - JOLLY ALERT - - JOLLY ALERT
£1700 to £7200 per table of ten????
Fuck me and I thought we were fucking skint. How many of our tit-sucking, trough dwellers attended this shindig? How much was our table? We say 'OUR' table because WE FUCKING PAID FOR IT, you thieving twats. NAME THE FUCKERS SAT ROUND OUR TABLE!!!
'How did we come to be involved in this con-trick?' We hear you ask!
Well it's like this folks - The Local Government Chronicle is a magazine (annual subscription £250), ( per copy, that is), published by a firm called EMAP who also run lots of other schemes to get taxpayers money from gullible councils.
Each year they get lots of Councils to vote for other Councils to win awards - basically it's peering up some fuckers arse while another fucker fingers yours. Emap rely on Councils being fucking stupid enough to join in this merry-go-round and to this end publish lots of glossy pics of the greedy twats spending our money. Said greedy twats return to respective Council, see pics and several orgasms later the whole shebang starts over again.
QUESTION:- How many copies of LGC, (at £250 a pop), wing their way into the Tower Of Babble each month? Who gets one? OooH! don't tell us! It's them as gets to go to the piss up ain't it?
Anyhow what of the night itself?
The awards, run by the LGC, for the LGC, were hosted by Jon
Culshaw, the radio impressionist. He is understood to charge around
£10,000 per appearance. (If he's doing impressions on t'radio how do we know it's him? It could actually be the people we think he's impersonating!) The things you'll do for a measly ten grand!After a networking reception, (what the fuck is one of them when it's at home?) they dined on a salad of Serrano ham, asparagus, semi-dried tomato, wild rocket and parmesan. It was followed by tournedos of beef in a smoked garlic and red wine sauce with pancetta, celeriac, chestnut mushrooms, French beans and Anna potato. The desert was vanilla cream with raspberries and brandy snaps. Red and white wine was served. Hope for Shoa Boata's sake the food was Halal. Would have been a pity to waste all that good food.
The most expensive tickets entitled guests to bottles of champagne, followed by port and a cheese board. You can bet our boys were into that!
Afterwards delegates danced to Beyonce’s ‘Crazy in Love’, That would have been worth seeing, Little Jimmy and the boys shakin' their booty! They then played roulette until 2am at a charity casino set up on the balcony. The prize was a magnum of champagne. Whoop-deWhoop how much did that cost us then?
Carolyn Downs, the chief executive of the Local Government Association, wrote to delegates, with no sense of irony whatsoever: "This year's LGC Awards takes place against the backdrop of one of the most challenging periods for local government in a generation. Money for jollies is becoming tighter and Councils are having to take incredibly tough decisions on a daily basis but it is right that we recognise the fantastic work that is going on up and down the country in buying thousands of copies of our magazines and coughing up for arse peering do's like this one."
So how is it organised then?
Well, in January those Councils who are not due to win an award this year are appointed judges. These judges then visit the boroughs who are going to win this year to see how the organisation is continuing to improve it's money raising scams and how they are adopting new ways of fucking over the Council Taxpayers.
“It’s humbling to be recognised as the ‘Most Improved Council’ by our peers." Smarmed Little Jimmy. The only peers we have are up each others ring-piece.
“This award is down to the hard work of council staff, and our partners, who are all doing their bit to make positive improvements, and I’d like to thank them all." That will be the likes of Mouchel then will it Little Jim? The company that's in a worse state than we are - who can;t even run their own business successfully but we continue to hurl taxpayers money at them willy-nilly.
"Oldham’s move to become a co-operative council has seen the borough leading nationally on the adoption of a new ethical framework and a community dividend scheme." Anybody understand any of that tripe?.
An extra £2million has also been transferred downwards to devolve services to districts, strengthening local democracy and new forms of service delivery. Transferred 'downwards' from where? It's nothing more than blatant vote buying. We are supposedly skint, cutting services and jobs and yet we have £2Million floating about that can be wasted setting up 'District Town Halls' to provide non-jobs for all the Lie-bour cronies.
So what got us this 'award then?
::A Commendation from the Audit Commission for the speed and accuracy of Final Accounts as the fastest in the country. So they should be. We have fuck all left after giving it all away to Unity Partnerships and PFI's so it doesn't take long to count whats left and write 'Nowt' at the bottom of the balance sheet. ::Crowned ‘Best City’ at North-West in Bloom. 'CITY' What city? You've only got to grow a couple of daffodils to win the NW in Bloom equivalent of the Nobel Prize.
::Halving the number of families living in temporary accommodation. Half of very little is not a lot.
::Achieved an 11th consecutive year-on-year improvement in the proportion of pupils gaining five A*-C GCSEs.These 'exams' have now become so easy a beer mat could pass with honours. Councillors who tried some of the tests for themselves however failed miserably coming next to last just ahead of a small prickly cactus like 'thing.'
::Provided self-directed support packages to 54 per cent of adult social care users — 24 per cent above the national target.Provided self addressed pre-stamped envelopes for the P45's of the rest.
::More than doubled the number of drug users in effective treatment. Doubling the number of drug users is not something you would normally win an award for, is it?
::Delivered 20 per cent more new homes than last year. 20 per cent more than what? Let's see... we built five last year so that makes an extra er, erm uh, - anyone got a beermat?
::Retained Green Flag status for all seven award-winning parks. If you've got a park - you'll get an award. Good job it don't include things like Council football pitches, Churchill playing fields.
Children’s Services has gone from a “zero star” for safeguarding in 2003 to the highest-possible Ofsted ranking of “performing excellently”. Ofsted has been criticised as 'not fit for purpose' by a House of Commons Select Committee who also highlighted their concern about "the complex set of objectives and sectors that Ofsted now spans and its capacity to fulfil its core mission."
Other 'Achievements' include an increase of 20 per cent since 2009 on the number of secondary schools judged “good or better” for behaviour. An increase from what? A 45 per cent reduction in the numbers of pupils permanently excluded. A reduction from what? and falls in the number of pupils with persistent school absence. A fall in the number of truants?? Nearly 2,000 children across Oldham persistently skip school - Oldham Evening Chronicle 30 March 2012
If those are the best 'improvements' in the country - then there must be some really crap Councils.
Back to the back slapping arse massaging greed fest with the troughers 'Dancing The Night away:
Who spent what in this age of austerity?
East Lothian Council was nominated for the "most improved council" award. Six staff, including Provost Sheena Richardson travelled to the awards by train and stayed overnight at the Grosvenor, . The trip cost £3,605.30.
Sheffield council sent six staff, who also stayed overnight in London hotels. The bill came to £2,825. It cut 870 jobs last year and must cut 690 more to balance the books.
Warrington Council, also nominated for most improved council after receiving three red flags from the Audit Commission for financial mismanagement, spent £1,700 on tickets and £1,550 on hotel rooms.
Southend-on-Sea, which won Council of the Year, spent £1915 with the rest of the £6030 bill picked up by sponsorship from council suppliers. Does that smell right to you folks?
John Glen MP said: "Members of the public would rather welcome these monies being spent on our most vulnerable, particualrly those who are struggling to find employment in these difficult times.
"It's breathtaking that those who attended can't see the folly of such lavish, self-aggrandising events in our current climate."Fuck me! It's coming to something when even an MP can smell the rot!
Some councils, including South Oxfordshire, Surrey and Croydon, went as the guests of their private sector contractors and did not bill the taxpayer. More graft and corruption!
Matthew Elliott, chief executive of the Taxpayers’ Alliance said: “It's quite extraordinary that cash strapped councils who have pleaded poverty at home have found enough money to send senior staff to a glitzy awards bash at one of the priciest and fanciest hotels in London.”
A spokesman for the Local Government Association said: “These awards recognise and celebrate the hard work and dedication of those individuals who continue to deliver vital services to communities at a time when budgets are severely stretched. What the fuck are we celebrating then? We've nobody could deliver a newspaper never mind services.
The spokesprick continued, “Most councils invite their front line and lower paid staff to attend the event, whilst some invite residents to thank them for their contribution to improving local services." Lower paid staff? Residents? From Oldham? You are having a fucking laff. Them tossers can form a queue behind our beloved Councillors, Chief Execs, Senior Officers and other sundry hangers on and spongers.
A number of councils, including Durham,
So we ask again -
How many tickets did we buy for the great and the good from
OMBC to attend this smarm-fest? How much did that cost the tax-payer?
How did they get to Lunnun? Train, plane, the tax-payers leased £80K
Audi?
How much did that cost the tax-payers?
Where did they stay the night? B&B, YMCA, Underrneath the arches,
Grosvenor Hotel? How much did that cost the tax-payers?
How much did we spend on the rental of blackjack suits? Probably only
Shoa Boata has his own, the rest will have cost us.
WE AWAIT SOME ANSWERS & EXPLANATIONS FROM ON HIGH!!!
Don't hold your breath!
No comments:
Post a Comment