WHAT TIME'S NEXT TRAM - 2030 - HALF PAST EIGHT EH? NO 2030!

Here we go again!

The fucking Metrostink opening has been postponed yet again. The brainfarts at TfGM having spent millions over the past several years on the new wonder of the world -The Tram Management System, have discovered an interesting fact about it. It doesn't fucking work! So we are doomed to another twelve months in the fucking wilderness while the tossers fuck about with their toys. The way the town centre is collapsing it won't matter very shortly anyway. There will be sod all we need a tram for (not that we wanted it in the first place).

 According to Ann Arsewipe (spokesperson for TfGM)   "The new Tram Management System (TMS), can electronically map tram positions and automatically control points and signals." But not while the trams are fucking running unfortunately.


During trials at Media City last September the system caused severe disruption and as the non-planners at TfGM have chucked all their eggs in one basket, we are fucked and the line to Oldham Mumps, which was due to open in March, 2012, will open even later than planned next year (if at all), according to a report considered by Transport for Greater Manchester.


An update report will be considered by TfGM in January. Yeah, take your time lads! We're trapped in the land that time forgot with the town disappearing around us while you set of bell-ends piss about with your Sinclair Spectrums. If after all this fucking about, the golden lifeline isn't going to be running before the back end of next year, what's the point of taking it to Mumps? The Union Street Total Waste Of Time Scheme (USTWOTS)  will be  should be  may be  is due to be completed about then. Can you see what's gonna happen folks?   The first three trams will run to Mumps then everything will stop once more while they dig the twatting thing up and transfer everything to Union St.


"Ultimately, all the lines will be controlled by the new system, which will allow more trams to run on the network, as well as giving drivers and controllers the ability to manage vehicle schedules." The fucking system can't control one line never mind all of them. This is another major IT fuck up! It will cost us untold millions while three nerds, whose only experience of running a light rail system was gleaned from the Thomas The Tank engine sets they had as kids, piss about, before eventually admitting defeat and we are reduced to running all trams with a flagman walking in front with a red flag.

A spokesprick said. "A two or three month delay may arise on the already-delayed Rochdale extension."  Ha ,Ha, Ha . Do you want to take bets on two months (50/1), three months (33/1) or a lot longer (1/2)?


Philip Purdy, TfGM’s Metrolink director, said: “The new operating system is a fundamental part of the expansion: ultimately, we simply cannot have one without the other."  That's it then. We're fucked! Why does the system have to control the whole network?  Trams on the Oldham/Rochdale spur will not be going to Altrincham or Eccles or Bury. We didn't need all this shit when we had a perfectly good rail system. They managed to run without all these fancy PMT systems and computerised garbage. Signalmen switched points and changed signals, it worked for a fucking long time. Why not do a spot of job creation and reduce the chances of the nine-fifteen from Mumps terminating four months later in fucking Wythenshawe? Who the fuck, apart from all the anally challenged job preservers at TfGM wants to know that the next tram will be along in two and a half minutes (or not)?


“The first stage of introducing the new system is to integrate the new with the old in a way that has the least impact on existing services."  If WE had some sort of service of any kind, then maybe WE could cease impacting our heads against the brick wall in a failing attempt to take away the pain.


“We share the frustrations of people waiting patiently to use the services, especially as construction of the new lines is going well." No you don't share our frustrations! You fuck and fart about in your plush offices day in day out, then piss off 'ome to your Cheshire Set,  while WE sit for fucking hours in interminable roadworks and traffic jams, of your making, as we struggle to make our way around a town with no cohesive transport policy


Let's look at - "Construction of the new lines is going so well.......?????"  
To RE-LAY 12 miles in two years? Average 6 mls per yr. - Between 1863 & 1869 Union Pacific & Central Pacific Railroads LAID 1756 miles of track between Sacramento & Council Bluffs, Iowa. Avge 293 miles per yr. In 2 yrs 586miles. At Metrolink speeds it would have taken the RR's 293 yrs to complete the line. It wouldn't have been finished until the yr 2156, by then no-one would want it. A nice symmetry eh? Why don't we re-name Mumps, Council Bluffs?

“This is about the safe operation of a network that will be three times the size it is now, so we cannot cut any corners.”  Speed we're going we won't reach the corner 'til Oldham Wakes. The only thing we reckon worth cutting is just south of thi gob!

 

You couldn't make this shit up!!!!