THIS WEEKS RECIPE: SLOW COOKED BOOKS!

Former chef takes charge of academy

It could only happen in  to Oldham

A former chef turned fast-track school leader has been appointed to the top job at Oasis Academy Oldham. Fucking great! The third leader for the scam that is Oasis Academy and it's not even up and running properly yet!
David Hayes will replace interim principal Sir Iain Hall who stepped in after the sudden departure, at a fast run, of his predecessor who was in the job long enough for everyone to forget his name.  

 Mr Hayes​ qualified as a chef after leaving school before going into teaching. His first post was as a PE teacher at Brookfield High School, Kirkby, and he then spent a year working at the Japanese International School in Hong Kong. He returned to Brookfield before becoming a national manager with the Youth Sport Trust for three years. He worked at Kirkby Sports College before joining Oasis Academy MediaCityUK. He was part of the National College Future Leaders programme to fast-track talented head teachers. How do you know if someone is a talented headteacher if they have never been a headteacher? Have you noticed lately that almost everyone appointed to some sinecure or other in the town has had a plethora of previous jobs?  For instance look up Charlie's CV! Flitting about from one non-job to another. Don't stay long enough to get sussed!

He said: “I am delighted to have been appointed." I bet he fucking is! I guess the Wulfe didn't make the shortlist.
"There are wonderful people here, both in the academy and in our wider community." How the fuck has he come to this decision so rapidly? he hasn't got his feet under a desk yet!   
"It’s a place where I can come in and hit the ground running." Yep! You're right there. Far as we know your predecessor is still running, but then again we heard HE was a quick learner.

"There are great things in store for Oasis Academy Oldham.” Must be the only store with any sort of things, left in Oldham then!

Oasis Academy Oldham replaced South Chadderton and Kaskenmoor Schools in September, 2010. It will move into a new multi-million building for 1,500 pupils in Hollinwood next year. Where the local road infrastructure and parking facilities will make the area an 'Oasis' of calm.

How long before he's off, chasing er, you know, thingummy? 

What next? Pork Butcher from Jerusalem appointed Borough Solicitor?? ......Hmmm!