WHERE'S ME CAP - AM LATE FOR SKOO!

ARROGANT! That's what  our bleeding lover  beloved leader, Little Jimmy Pudden-Face, called Oldham councillors who have failed to take 'Basic Councillor Training,' and also those who HAVE undertaken the training and failed.
This is a new scheme whereby councillors are trained in the esoteric arts of the council, and learn how  better to pull the wool over elector's eyes, maximise their thieving earnings and pass the buck while maintaining an aura of industry and intellect. (Oh God! spare us from this ribaldry!!!)
  
Jimmy said: "We I have introduced a leaders programme aimed at providing the basic level of training to enable members to do more." As the majority of the chair polishers do nowt anyway, any thought of actually getting up off their arses and doing summat, must read like their worst nightmares.

 He continued, "There are some members of the council who believe they are so experienced - arrogant that they don't need training and think they should be doing the training themselves."
"This attitude will cease forthwith. I am the sole dispenser of wisdom and learning." "The reality is that they are not as good as they think they are." "A lot are past it: Some never reached it: I intend to bring them up to the mark using knowledge gained during all my years of experience."

He said, "The re-opening of Failsworth Town Hall showed what can be achieved." 
It can be achieved if it 'just' happens to be in your ward, you have hold of the purse strings and you are the only person making policy decisions. Quite what the re-opening has to do with councillors going back to skoo beats us.

Little Jimmy told councillors; "The onus is on everybody in this chamber, you will get support, training and development. We will support your claims for extra allowances: we will train you to vote as told and we will develop your uselessness to a high degree, but, if you don't play the game you will leave empty-handed." 

HUH!!! Run that by us again! Councillors will leave EMPTY_HANDED???? WHOOoooooooPEEeeeeeeDOOOoooo!
Oh sorry folks I think that should have read 'Councillors will leave US empty-handed.

His final words -" It's about council, councillors and residents all working together in the same direction." Jimmy baby the direction we are working on is OUT!

Several Money-sponges  Councillors have already taken the course and the final exam. Results are none too good.

Coun. Sykes -Disqualified - examiner said paper looked as if it had been used to wrap chips.
Coun. Battye - Disqualified for cheating. His mate Fitzpatrick got a woman from Greenacres to fill in his answers.
Coun. Alexander - Disqualified- Lost his crayon
Coun. McDonald - 4/10 -very poor. Said he would have done better if the questions had been easier.
Coun. Dean - 1/10 -Abysmal . later disqualified when it was discovered he had copied Coun McDonald's answers.
Coun. Allcock(by name not nature) - 5/10 - poor. Should have done better but his paper had large holes in it and what looked like half a petition on the back.
Coun. Hibbert - Disqualified for writing Arrogant as the answer to every question.
Coun. Beeley and Wrigglesworth - no papers handed in - it is understood they are appearing in Cinderella at Slinfold Hippodrome.
Coun. Dillon and Dillon - 9/10 - very good. They explained they did everything together and liked to get the best out of every experience. Orgasm is believed to be the next target on their list.
Coun. Barker - 3/10 - very poor from someone who was expected to do better. Would have scored higher if he hadn't kept changing his answers.
Coun. Akhtar - 0/10 - No points could be awarded as his paper looked as if the dog had slept on it. Come to think of it Coun Akhtar has the same appearance.
Coun. Knowless - 5/10 - lost marks for writing Greenfield Station as the answer to question  3) Where should we allocate this years income?

Coun. Roughley - Come in please your time is up!

YOU HAVE TO LAUGH!  -  HAVEN'T YOU?