...IT'S THE POOR WOT GETS THE BLAME!!

The following appeared in  Fausty's Libertarian Blog  the other day. He'd borrowed it from elsewhere, so we've 'borrowed' it from him and made a couple of changes. The theme of the original was 'How Government works.'  We've changed the names to expose the guilty!!

How The Council works

 Once upon a time the council had a huge empty building in the middle of nowhere. Cabinet said, "Someone may break in at night,  looking for something to steal." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.


Then Cabinet said, "How does the night watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.


Then Cabinet asked, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.


Then Cabinet said, "How are these people going to get paid and administered?" So they created the following positions, two time keepers and three payroll officers, and then hired four human resources consultants and five health and safety executives.


Then Cabinet said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired fifty people including administrative officers, assistant administrative officers, legal secretaries and a chief executive on £213,000 per annum.


Then Cabinet said, "We have been in power for nearly a year and we are £40,000,000 over budget, we must cutback the overall cost."

So they laid off the night watchman!

Does this sound like anyone we know? Do you think this little tale could apply to a real local authority? If so, which one? Answers on a postcard to: Little Jimmy Pudden-Face, Parker's Folly, West St. Oldham.

THE FAMLY ARE GATHERED AROUND THE BEDSIDE......

Support services group Mouchel in debt turmoil

Mouchel, Oh hell!
Sont des mots qui vont tres bien ensemble
Tres bien ensemble

 The beleaguered support services group Mouchel is battling for survival this weekend as is it attempts to reach a debt deal with its lenders.
 
Sir Michael Lyons, the former BBC Trust chairman, is still in talks with banks about refinancing the company’s £170m of bank facilities and is attempting to reach an agreement before the company announces delayed annual results on Tuesday.
 
The banks, Royal Bank of Scotland?, Lloyds and Barclays, are “fully supportive” of Mouchel according to the company, despite the fact it is expected to breach covenants just months after a £170m refinancing in January which Mouchel hailed as a “turning point”  This is business speak for, 'The banks are about to throw us under the bus.'

In the past few weeks Mouchel has raised cash by selling its pipeline design business for £2.6m to private company Mott MacDonald and its rail business for £3.4m to Sinclair Knight Merz. The company has said its executive team  “remain focused on the steps necessary to secure the future of the company."   How many more pieces of the 'family silver' do they have left to sell before there is nothing left? The company is haemorrhaging money and is not picking up new council contracts due to the economic climate.

Mouchel has been badly affected by public spending cuts because two–thirds of its clients are local government authorities, which are seeing budgets squeezed as a result of central government’s continued focus on austerity measures. That's er....Us folks. Still they sit and lade and teem our money when they can't even run their own shambles of an operation. How much over the top are they costing us? What will happen if they go tits up? Who then will run the town?

Analysts are forecasting a 14pc drop in revenues for the year to July 31 with pre-exceptional pre-tax profits crashing by two thirds.


Source Daily Telegraph  Sat 26 Nov 2011

 Still, we'll be alright once the trams start running!!

WE DIG DIG DIG DIG DIG UP EVERYTHING IN SIGHT!

IMPORTANT  INFORMATION FOR ROAD USERS IN OLDHAM

LATEST UPDATE: If venturing into the City of Lost Souls. Take at least two changes of clothing, food and drink to last a minimum of three days and a porta-pottee. Also useful would be a copy of Bear Grylls new book on surviving in Oldham's treacherous hinterland, entitled: 'Fuck Me! I'm bleeding lost!' price £12.99 from Waterstuns but getting there to buy it may be a problem. 

Here is the latest update on the road closures, diversions and other related fucking nonsense, being foisted upon the long suffering citizens of this borough by the fuckwits in the tower. This is part of the ongoing plan, to isolate the town from the rest of the world, known as the Streamlined Hi-speed Integrated Transport Experiment or as locals call it S.H.I.T.E. (Oldham)

This weekend the roundabout at Mumps  Bridge  Overpass  level crossing  Crossroads  Death Trap  Thingy  has been removed. It has been sold to Milton Keynes who have a huge collection of the things. The removal of this redundant street obstruction will enable the New Super Trams to have a straight run across the six lanes of traffic that were once controlled by this gyratory governor. Viewing platforms will be erected so locals can sit and watch the carnage unfold as motorists play  ‘Beat The Tram.’

Coun Dave Hibbert, cabinet member for traipsing and degeneration, said: “These are significant changes to Mumps which show that work to bring Metrolink to our borough is firmly on-track. On-track! get it? I wish Hibbert was fucking tied to it!

 “Mumps is the major traffic junction in and around Oldham town centre and although signs will  guide traffic to all sorts of fascinating places, I’d also urge motorists to please try and familiarise yourself with these changes and the best routes to Bury, Bolton, Ashton etc., before we start with the job. We know one or two of you are against the plans. What the fuck do I care about that? I'm arrogant Dave and I know better than any of you fucking serfs."

“All of this will enable the start of work to create a fantastic new integrated transport facility around the former B&Q site that will eventually benefit those using cars, buses and trams alike." Why do we now have to have an 'Integrated Transport Facility'? We had to manage without one when we had the trains. The trams are supposed to be cruising Union St eventually. Why would anyone, wanting to go to what is left of the town centre, want to go to Mumps and catch a bus back? This ITF is nowt more than another fucking bus-station. Move the seven we have on Cheapside down to Mumps. We could then use the land to erect something useful.(maybe a gibbet to reduce the number of chair polishers in the council chamber). The whole of the area around Mumps/ B&Q should have been developed as a leisure park. THAT would maybe bring people INTO Oldham. But no! The cocksuckers in the Ivory Tower can see no further than car-parks, their only growth industry. Trouble with this town is, we don't make enough noise. Be warned. Once the cockwaffles have had their way it will be too late to start complaining.

Coun Fibber continued, “The end of the Mumps roundabout, and the opening of the new link road into the town centre from Oldham Way, are a major part of our plans to remodel this area and redefine it as a new gateway into out of Oldham.”  Remodel the fucking area!!!  Much like you and your barmpot troughing cronies have 'remodeled the town centre I shouldn't wonder. Though you probably can't make it much worse than the derelict slum it is now.

"Unfortunately, for you that is, the changes will mean cars will no longer be able to access the bottom of Yorkshire Street adjacent to Mumps, which will now form part of the construction area."  But local traffic will still be able to access Beever Street, Regent Street and Wallshaw Street from Yorkshire Street by following the diversion signs for Blackburn and Darwen giving drivers a clear run at the area from t'other side of town. This will add approx 90 mins to a trip from say Clarksfield to Regent Street


"Passengers using town-centre bound buses currently stopping at Mumps will now have to find another stop somewhere else. That's not our problem. We have enough to do booking flash hotels for our next jolly and making sure our allowances claim forms are submitted on time."  "Services travelling out of town will not be affected."  Funny how everything leaving the village of the damned is running fine. It's just getting into and across this benighted and blighted borough that is the problem

"Bus lanes along Huddersfield Road and Ripponden Road have also been temporarily opened up to all vehicles to ease congestion in the area."  What's the betting the cock-sucking bus-drivers want to use them now!

Diddy Dave added: “We recognise the sheer scale of these ongoing works has meant frustrating times for motorists in recent months." “We appreciate your patience and have listened to concerns about signage, which we are reviewing and improving daily in response to what drivers and local businesses are telling us.

 “We’re also doing whatever we can, wherever possible, to ease congestion – especially in the run-up to the vital Christmas and new year trading period." "We'll try and ease the pain, but you're not going anywhere fast so why not enjoy yourselves and bring a little festive cheer into the town. Our Chief Executive has bought a box of Christmas ornaments (well, when we say bought he actually only signed for them on the council account at Parties-R-Us) He is going to put them up on a prominent building in the town. The location is supposed to be a secret but if you want to see Charlie's balls being hung on the old Town Hall be there Saturday mid-day.

Trams are expected to arrive at the new temporary Oldham Mumps stop by spring. People in Eccles and Altrincham expect them to arrive there EVERY day but it quite frequently doesn't come to pass.

Enough, already. Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty.

UNION STREET

From Monday - Union Street will be one way in the opposite direction - until further notice.
On alternate Mondays and even-dated  Wednesdays this flow will be reversed, apart that is from those occasions when two-way traffic will be permitted westbound between Greaves Street and Clegg Street and eastbound between Queen Street and Retiro Street.
Queen Street and Retiro Street will become pedestrian only zones. Greaves Street and Clegg Street will be closed to traffic for ever such a long time.
From Tuesday Union Street will be closed at one end.
Work will commence almost nearly at once on building a huge tram stop at the Star Inn end of Union Street to service ‘Chicken City’- Oldham’s gourmet dining area where you can sample all the delights of Kentucky/Alabama/Tennessee/Nepal/Kashmir/ Bulgaria/ Tristan Da Cunha/ Antarctica/Latvia/Gaza Strip/ Ethiopia/Galapagos/Tasmania/Wales, Fried Chicken. For you aficionados the remaining three non-food outlets on Union Street are being converted so you will shortly be able to sample the delights of - Papua-New Guinea/North Korea and Turkey Fried Chicken. A real treat for the discerning palate. Though I must say I have tried most of them and mainly they taste just like chicken. Hey, Ho!

THROUGH TRAFFIC

FROM SADDLEWORTH TO MANCHESTER- Allow extra journey time - set off the night before. If it is essential you get to Manchester every morning - sell your house - move to Newton Heath. In the meantime follow signs marked ‘Diversion.’ When these peter out follow ‘Alternate Route’ signs until you pick up the M65 near Nelson. Park in Nelson - There is an excellent bus service (X43) to Manchester.

TO AND FROM SHAW AND CROMPTON - Access will be severely disrupted due to ongoing work on the Ghost Train and the demolition of Shaw which will be starting any day now. From Ashton - Probably best not to bother. From Saddleworth head for Jct 22 on the M62 head down to the Shaw exit and attack it from t’other side. Leaving Shaw - Make sure you turn the light out and lock the door.


FROM MANCHESTER - Motorists heading up Oldham Road will be stopped at Hollinwood, given a stern warning about their foolhardy behaviour then turned around and sent back to civilisation.


YORKSHIRE STREET - ‘Ghost Town ‘ Tour buses will leave at irregular intervals (Five or six days) from the pay and display car park on the old Conservative Club/Mountainfeet site, taking tourists on sightseeing tours of our excavations, historic buildings and other piles of rubble that are our heritage. Heading up Yorkshire Street they will meet little oncoming traffic as the street has been converted into a skateboard ramp from the Greaves Arms to the Artizans Rest (or whatever poncy fucking name it goes under nowadays). This is world’s end (Has anyone noticed that Yorkshire Street between Fairbottom Street and Scholes Street is ‘misssing ‘ on Google Streetwatch?  Too much for them to stomach I wager.)


WATERLOO STREET - Affectionately known to locals as The Khyber pass this will become the main thoroughfare out of town to Rochdale, Huddersfield and Lees. Beware of two or more vehicles parked in the middle of the road while the drivers chat about the vicissitudes of their working day. Only luxury vehicles (over £60,000) with adequately blacked out windows and 500 million giga-watt sound systems will be allowed through. This strip is, like, private, innit.  No wot  a meen?


FROM MUMPS TO ROYAL OLDHAM HOSPITAL - Easiest way - walk up to Rhodes Bank - throw yourself under “Ghost Town’ tour bus - await arrival of  ambulance  - travel to Hospital in recumbent luxury.  If you must drive, take Yorkshire Street to Curzon Street - go through market Hall - turn left you’re on Henshaw Street - up to Coldhurst Street - zoom! You’re there.


LEES ROAD traffic will be diverted down Cross Street - Up Greenacres Road  - Stamford Road - High Street - Lees Road. This is the ‘groundhog’ route. Not much use for you wankers coming down from Saddleworth, but at least it keeps you out of the town centre and you won’t have time for whingeing.

BUS STATIONS  - The present seven bus stations will be dismantled and together with a further four will be re-erected at Failsworth Pole. Little Jimmy Pudden Face, first citizen and saviour of our town says this is the only sensible solution as the folk of Failsworth have been waiting a long time for modern services. The buses will service the new Town Hall and the shortly to be built, Olympic Swimming Pool,   Sports Hall,  Assembly Hall,  Twenty Screen Cinema,  Bowling Alley,  Ice Skating Rink,  Shopping Mall,   (PF World 1M sq ft ),  Forty storey Hilton Hotel,  Museum and Art Gallery,  Marina (useful for the Royal  Leader’s yacht),  Two Casinos,  Three Nightclubs,  Mainline Rail Station,  Wrigley Head Disneyland,  600 bed Teaching hospital and last but not least - a vehicle dismantling, chemical reclamation and tyre disposal plant at the Lancaster site. Whooops!  I nearly forgot - and Lady Jane's.
Little Jimmy said; “ It’s not because I happen to be a Cunt Councillor for Failsworth, hold all the purse strings and make all the decisions. It just happened that it was Failsworth’s turn for a share of the spoils  amenities. We are not neglecting any other single part of Oldham. You’re ALL getting Fucking Nowt!!

DO YOU THINK THE LITTLE PIGGIES CAN HEAR THE SLAUGHTERMAN SHARPENING HIS KNIFE?

Following on from last Wednesday's post on the activities of the Euro-scumbags we present a recording of Nigel Farage's speech to the EU assembly the same day. At last we have someone with the balls to tell it like it is to the tossers. Just watch their faces. As corporal Jones would say, "they don't like it up 'em."  As you may know Farage is the leader of the UK Independence Party UKIP. Why the fuck can't our leaders from the main parties see what is happening beneath their noses and act accordingly. We say, "well said sir." 
 Many thanks to Guido Fawkes for drawing this to our attention.

WHERE'S ME CAP - AM LATE FOR SKOO!

ARROGANT! That's what  our bleeding lover  beloved leader, Little Jimmy Pudden-Face, called Oldham councillors who have failed to take 'Basic Councillor Training,' and also those who HAVE undertaken the training and failed.
This is a new scheme whereby councillors are trained in the esoteric arts of the council, and learn how  better to pull the wool over elector's eyes, maximise their thieving earnings and pass the buck while maintaining an aura of industry and intellect. (Oh God! spare us from this ribaldry!!!)
  
Jimmy said: "We I have introduced a leaders programme aimed at providing the basic level of training to enable members to do more." As the majority of the chair polishers do nowt anyway, any thought of actually getting up off their arses and doing summat, must read like their worst nightmares.

 He continued, "There are some members of the council who believe they are so experienced - arrogant that they don't need training and think they should be doing the training themselves."
"This attitude will cease forthwith. I am the sole dispenser of wisdom and learning." "The reality is that they are not as good as they think they are." "A lot are past it: Some never reached it: I intend to bring them up to the mark using knowledge gained during all my years of experience."

He said, "The re-opening of Failsworth Town Hall showed what can be achieved." 
It can be achieved if it 'just' happens to be in your ward, you have hold of the purse strings and you are the only person making policy decisions. Quite what the re-opening has to do with councillors going back to skoo beats us.

Little Jimmy told councillors; "The onus is on everybody in this chamber, you will get support, training and development. We will support your claims for extra allowances: we will train you to vote as told and we will develop your uselessness to a high degree, but, if you don't play the game you will leave empty-handed." 

HUH!!! Run that by us again! Councillors will leave EMPTY_HANDED???? WHOOoooooooPEEeeeeeeDOOOoooo!
Oh sorry folks I think that should have read 'Councillors will leave US empty-handed.

His final words -" It's about council, councillors and residents all working together in the same direction." Jimmy baby the direction we are working on is OUT!

Several Money-sponges  Councillors have already taken the course and the final exam. Results are none too good.

Coun. Sykes -Disqualified - examiner said paper looked as if it had been used to wrap chips.
Coun. Battye - Disqualified for cheating. His mate Fitzpatrick got a woman from Greenacres to fill in his answers.
Coun. Alexander - Disqualified- Lost his crayon
Coun. McDonald - 4/10 -very poor. Said he would have done better if the questions had been easier.
Coun. Dean - 1/10 -Abysmal . later disqualified when it was discovered he had copied Coun McDonald's answers.
Coun. Allcock(by name not nature) - 5/10 - poor. Should have done better but his paper had large holes in it and what looked like half a petition on the back.
Coun. Hibbert - Disqualified for writing Arrogant as the answer to every question.
Coun. Beeley and Wrigglesworth - no papers handed in - it is understood they are appearing in Cinderella at Slinfold Hippodrome.
Coun. Dillon and Dillon - 9/10 - very good. They explained they did everything together and liked to get the best out of every experience. Orgasm is believed to be the next target on their list.
Coun. Barker - 3/10 - very poor from someone who was expected to do better. Would have scored higher if he hadn't kept changing his answers.
Coun. Akhtar - 0/10 - No points could be awarded as his paper looked as if the dog had slept on it. Come to think of it Coun Akhtar has the same appearance.
Coun. Knowless - 5/10 - lost marks for writing Greenfield Station as the answer to question  3) Where should we allocate this years income?

Coun. Roughley - Come in please your time is up!

YOU HAVE TO LAUGH!  -  HAVEN'T YOU?

CLOSE THE DOORS, THEY'RE COMING THROUGH THE WINDOWS!

THE AGENDA IS BECOMING CLEARER! 

CAN YOU SEE IT YET?

George Papandreou, elected prime minister of Greece, ‘resigns’ and is ‘replaced’ by the unelected Lucas Papademos, an economist who was Vice President of the European Central Bank from 2002 to 2010 prior to becoming an ‘advisor’ to the Greek government.
Silvio Berlusconi, elected prime minister of Italy, ‘resigns’ and is ‘replaced’ by the unelected Mario Monti, an economist who was European Commissioner for Competition from 1999 to 2004 prior to becoming an ‘advisor’ to the Italian government.

Is this just a coincidence?      Or is there a pattern developing here?


Questions that need asking:


1.    Why are we talking about resignations when we all know that these 'elected' politicians were forced from office by the EU and the ECB and replaced by a pair of yes-men, to further the aims of their New World Order?


2.    What brought both countries to the brink of disaster if both countries were 'benefitting' from the advisors appointed to the respective governments by the EU and ECB?


3.    Did Greece and Italy ask for these advisors or were they forced upon them by threat of withdrawal of support?


4.    What advice was given by these 'advisors' seeing that both countries have gone tits up? If they are so fucking clever how come their advice led to the present situation? Why would anyone trust them to sort out the mess when it seems most of it occurred under their stewardship?


5.    Was their function to achieve exactly the situation Greece and Italy find themselves in and achieve a bloodless coup by taking over two countries without an apparent squeal of protest? Why have the populace of Greece and Italy so meekly succumbed ? Do they not realise what has happened?


6.    Why have the two countries accepted the pair of Euro Arseholes foisted upon them. What political skills do the two possess; indeed what skills of any description, apart that is, from ripping us off for millions every year?


7.    Do you think there is a cat in hells chance of them relinquishing power even if the pair of them drag the invalids from death's door? Don't hold your breath folks: This is THE NEW WORLD ORDER This is where it starts: Today two countries- tomorrow the world

Just think folks if we had gone up to our bollocks into Europe, The Euro and the rest of the corruption, we could to-day be in the same position as Greece and Italy. Who, after evicting the dolly-bag duopoly of Cleggeron do you think our Euro-masters would have appointed to lead us to salvation?

What odds on the Welsh wind-bag Kunte Kinnock - or horror of horrors The traitorous liar Blair. You can bet it would be some-one of that ilk just so the Euro-Wankers could rub our noses in it.

HEED THE WARNINGS FOLKS!  THEY ARE AMONGST US NOW! STOP THE NEW WORLD ORDER NOW!