XMAS HIGHLIGHTS........... ENTERTAINMENT OWDHAM STYLE!

Two Old biddys rescue injured goose!
“As we were feeding her, Val went round the back, grabbed her by the neck and put her in the bag. It was very easy to catch her.
“She is a beautiful goose. She was posing for the pictures as if she knew what was going on.”
She'll be fucking perplexed on Xmas day then! All golden brown with an onion rammed up her arse!

Ten candidates throw their hats into by-election ring
The candidates are: Elwyn Watkins for the Lib-Dems; Debbie Abrahams for Labour;  Kashif Ali for the Conservatives; Pirate Party leader Loz Kaye, a teacher at Liverpool  Institute of Performing Arts; Monster Raving Loony Party’s Flying Brick (Nick Delves),  David Bishop from the Bus-Pass Elvis Party and Peter Allen of the Green Party, who fought High Peak last year, narrowly losing on points after 10 gruelling rounds; Euro-MP Paul Nuttall,  will attempt to get more of his snout in the trough as UKIP candidate; Derek Adams represents the BNP and Stephen Morris from Bury the English Democrats.
If you combined all the brains of this bunch of chancers they wouldn't fill me grandad's flat 'at
If this news makes you feel nauseous, remove hat and throw your ring into it!

 Follow me; I'm right behind you
Brian Strutton, GMB National Secretary for Public Services, whose job is not under threat, but should be, said: “The cuts are here and now as the tsunami of job losses in local authorities just keeps coming. We have 87,374 posts threatened so far at 107 councils. GMB officers are consulting members on what they want the union to do in this unprecedented situation."
 What do the members want the union to do?? Is this wanker real? We want him and his well paid overstuffed cronies to get off their fat arses and try something constructive for a change. But no, he will probably, like all his jelly minded 'brothers', recommend 'strike action.' This of course will not affect Brian Strut-On, who will still be receiving his overlarded pay packet. Didn't hear no bleating when 'Comrade Brown' was increasing his power base, stuffing Labour clients in public sector jobs.

Bin collection info online

THE council has launched an online service for locals to keep up-to-date with bin collections.
Residents will be able to check waste collection schedules and find up-to-the-minute information about the affects of adverse weather on services. An amusing Xmas entertainment from your caring Council. This will provide everyone with a good laff on Boxing day as they search their 2011 calendars for 'Bin day.'


IT'S THE PRINCIPAL THAT MATTERS!

Great news on the financial front. The Council's 'Treasury Team' have managed to earn £15million by judicious investment of a lump of spare cash they found floating around. The council called this mysterious moolah, "money held in reserve." I didn't think we had any reserve. Did you folks? We are always hearing how short we are of the readies when anything needs doing. Maybe, like us, you've noticed interest rates are about one eighth of a point above shite at present. Therefore fifteen million in 'interest' indicates a huge sum of  "money held in reserve." How much? Do tell us. It's our money after all.

FROM THE OLDHAM EVENING CHRONICLE.....XMAS EVE 
"Your Chronicle will be in the shops early this morning to make sure you have the chance to get your hands on the local news and sport while getting your last minute shopping." But if you are an on-line subscriber, paying fifty quid a year, in advance, you've got nowt, nada, zilch, zero, fuck all! Good value OEC. Get your act together. Does no-one care any more?

PANTOMIME DAME
Councillor Lynne Topspin, cabinet member for Performing A Vanishing Act On Public Money, said: “This is the third year we have operated the Christmas closure scheme and it has proved very successful to date. If you count closure as a success, that is.
“The public should be relatively unaffected as to them it will appear like service as usual.
This plan makes sound economic sense for council tax payers, having saved the authority an estimated £77,000 last year over the three days. This from the Council that wasted £53,000 plus, of our money on the 'Whistling Piss-stone' street art.

Council leaders should be under fire fired!
 Town hall leaders are “stupid” if they cannot cope with savage cuts to their budgets, Communities Secretary Wilfred Pickles claimed yesterday. Nay, Nay, Wilfred lad, it's nowt do wi' coping wi cuts to their budgets. They are just plain downright fucking STOOPID, period.
Council leader Howard Sykes said Oldham was “in good shape” to handle the challenging budget settlement.
That's more than we can say for them two fat bastards, Sykes and Pickles. They've more chins between them than the Shanghai telephone directory. If I were that goose I'd watch out for a mountain of lard creeping up behind me, Paxo in hand.
Speaking of creeping up behind, we extend seasons greetings to Michael Moocher and his haemorrhoidal acolyte Suttie the Brown Nosed Gopher. What no card this year??

AND FINALLY........

To all those folks celebrating myriad diverse festivities of unknown and dubious origin with all their usual tolerance of the Christian ethos of this country.....To you we send this Christmas message.... BOLLOCKS!!

To our loyal, dedicated reader, from all here in the sty, we can only say..................

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR FOLKS. 

Remember in 2011 it will be time to say ..... NO!!