WHAT BIG TEETH YOU HAVE! Bigger, sharper teeth than our ramblings in the on-line Oldham Evening Chronicle, which are being strangled by ever increasing censorship or moderation as they call it. We, the people of this town have no collective public voice to shout on our behalf, willing to question and challenge the lunacy visited upon us by the numpties in The Tower Of Babble, various thieving MPs, the legions of PC police at GMP, PAT'S, PACT'S, academy lovers, transport 'experts', vastly overpaid Council Officers from Charlie Chuckles downward, quangoes, placemen, do-gooders, do-badders, tree huggers, Brussels and Alcock! You get the idea? We intend to remedy this via the revamped Pigsticker. Now with added fibre. If any of you out there want to join us in restoring the town to it's former pleasant aspect, please feel free to submit articles. No moderation on this site!

Tuesday, June 25, 2013



Residents angry at bookie plan

RESIDENTS are opposing plans to open a betting shop just yards from an existing store.

Residents angry at House plan

RESIDENTS are opposing plans to Build a house  just yards from an existing betting shop.

  Mr Ali Plotowski Sung-ll has submitted a planning application to turn a unit next to the current Asda store in Hollins Road into a house..

Objectors say there is already a house 200 yards away - and question how the conversion would benefit the area. Council’s planning officers have recommended the application for approval.

Council leader Councillor Jimmy, 'Little Pudden Face' McMahon has previously hit out at the proliferation of houses and bungalows - which he says prey on the poor and vulnerable.

Houses need planning permission or change of use consent unless a councillor asks for a plain brown envelope or someone finds out and the proposal has to be discussed in public.

Councillor Jean Stretcher, occasional table cabinet member for being un-cooperative and whoops there goes the neighbourhood and backward councillor for Hollinwood, is leading the fight against the plans and has referred it to the council’s planning committee.

She said: “I don’t think we need any more houses in Hollins Road, and it is certainly not the best use of the unit. I would be in support of any measure that means we don’t get more maisonettes and designer homes.”

Mr Sung-Il declined a request to comment from his huge gambling empire on the Pacific Rim.


School zoo ban over pupil behaviour

OLDHAM pupils were so badly behaved on a trip to Chester Zoo their school has been banned for two years.

Officials say the actions of 29 children from the Radclyffe School, Chadderton, were so inappropriate they threw them out of the zoo.

Around 300 students were on the trip — intended as a treat for year nine and ten youngsters.

But the conduct of some children was so disruptive zoo officials says they had no option but to enforce the ban, which will last until 2015.

Ground breaking initiative from local school.

In an attempt to increase their knowledge of the natural world, school governors and Mr Wishy Washy the Head of The Radclyffe School, Chadderton, have formulated a plan to introduce knobheads, scallies, recidivists,and other general time wasters to the great animal kingdom. As soon as the teachers have become acclimatised to the new regime, pupils bother causers the brain dead little bastards will be in for a great treat. Once a week they will be securely locked in stinking cages, (a homely touch this), whilst  keepers from Chester Zoo will parade a selection of unfamiliar animals before them. Zookeepers have pledged that there will be no bad behaviour from the animals. Any Camels or Llamas caught spitting at the chosen ones will be barred from the school for a minimum two year period. Any Hyena uttering as much as a snigger will have steps taken against it that will utterly astound it. Any of the scruffy, threadbare Baboons discovered sitting in prominent positions idly scratching their scrotums will be sent back to Teacher Training College, (or 'The Pub' as we call it). There they will undertake course 47-00-illusion. "Whatever made me think I had any talent for this job?"  Free maps to the Job Centre will be provided, (only to those who can prove an ability to read.)
As a special treat at the end of the visit all the cages will be opened and the little shitheads will enjoy free association with Ronnie and Reggie , the zoo's lovable pet Rhinos.   


Oldham first to report borough accounts

Oldham Council cabinet
OLDHAM Council has completed its annual accounts in record time.

It is thought to be the first local authority - by several weeks - to publish approved figures for 2012/13

 Perennial pillock. Councilor Gushforth. exhausted after an all-night session counting the town's assets. displays our accumulated wealth. Well, he would have done but it's believed our beloved leader, St Jim of Failseverywhere, took it home in a carrier bag as he thought it would be more secure under his mattress, than have all those bent Councillors nosing about in it. Total cash counted in record time amounted to  £7.36p. This is believed to be the down payment on the Wilmott Dixon Town Hall conversion or the Wilmott Dixon Hollinwood Micro Industrial Estate. A close inspection of the strongbox revealed two large overstuffed envelopes behind that left hand door each bearing the name Gushforth and what came as a complete surprise--the fact that the back of the safe had been removed.    

Sunday, October 7, 2012


From The Oldham Lie-bour Chronicle

...And if you aren’t from Saddleworth, they’ve doubled it again ....

"The price of a plot in Saddleworth’s historic cemetery has been doubled and 'outsiders' will have to pay double the new cost — four times as much as before."

SPC  is raising prices by more than 100 per cent to £1,500. And those from outside the picturesque villages will pay £3,000.

The dramatic rise comes as councillors, who have no real powers to do anything,  attempt to make the Uppermill’s Gellfield Lane cemetery a more pleasant place to be laid to rest than its current “overgrown” condition.

Since when have the dead been interested in the view and amenities - The Dead Don't Care!

Councillor Neil Allsopp, scrattin' about to find summat to justify his existence, defended the rise, intended, he said,  to cover the cost of essential repair work to iron gates, do grounds maintenance and even extend the land occupied by the cemetery.  Oooh goody!  More room for the late worthies of Saddleworth to stretch their legs or perhaps have a quick kickabout. That is if anyone remembered to include, among the plethora of necrotic delights in their burial instructions, a football,  in addition to Country Life, a bottle of Mateus Rose, a white rose perhaps, (as long as they weren't incomers) and of course, a copy of "Upstairs & Downstairs" in their list of paraphernalia to accompany them to  from the promised land

He said: “The cemetery won open-space awards 20 years ago for being an outstanding example of design, but now it looks untouched, uncared for. A lot of work needs to be done to bring it up to standard.” What standard??   The dead could care less if they were buried in the Sumatran jungle!
The only people worritin' about it are them who are left,. They're worritin' cos they know that's where they are going to end up and it offends their Saddleworthian sensibilities, especially if they have just been highly placed in The Oldham Lie-bour Chronicle's best kept garden competition.

Councillor Lord, Chair (or Wardrobe or Commode or whatever) of SPC  is adamant that the rise is too much.

“The graveyard has always made a profit, without prices having to be put up. We are going to get slammed for this," he said.

Is profit the function of a graveyard?  If so let's have stalls selling funerary flim-flam,(plastic angels, bright flashing lights, pictures of Volvos etc), drinks and pies, little whizzy windmills and undersoil heaters to keep their darlings warm during the long, (very, very, very long winter of their interment).

“This is a service we provide for the people of Saddleworth, but £1,500 extra for people not living in Saddleworth is just too much.” Surely it's a service for the dead! Not that they care!

It will now cost £750 for exclusive rights to a plot and £750 for burial. What if the plotholder wanted to build a Mausoleum, say like the Taj Mahal, on their plot?  Obviously the 'floor plan' would be a little tight, but would there be any restrictions on the height of these edifices bearing in mind the precedents set in other parts of the Borough on religious buildings?

Now if OMBC were to officially annex the cemetery into Lancashire the worthy occupants would begin spinning faster and faster until eventually we could harness them to generators and provide free electricity for most of Greater Manchester.

The following line is taken verbatim from the Oldham Liebour Chronicle. Explain in five hundred words or less!

Prices have increased by over 100 per cent since they were last raised three years ago.

And finally, it was reported that Oldhamers pay around £1,200 to be buried elsewhere in the borough.

Of course it will cost a lot more if you want to be buried in a cemetery!

I personally would like to be inturd  interred on a line and length at the pavilion end at Werneth CC, Close to the bar and safe from any chance of being disturbed!

Seriously though folks, this is a bad move by the Parish Council. In these straitened times it won't be long before the beautiful Saddleworth countryside is blighted by the ever growing menace of FLY-TIPPING!!!

Monday, August 27, 2012


'EY UP!!!!!!!!!!

We're back. May we say how very pleased you are to see us!

So. -  Wot's bin 'appening in the Messytrollops these past weeks?

Well! This for starters!!!

The pudden-faced, devious, lying  bastard has dipped his sticky mitts into the trough again and come up with an extra 5,370 quids worth of allowances.
Is this the same 'austerity Jim' we've all come to love and admire? Mr 'Cuts will have to be made'?  Mr 'There will be redundancies'?  Mr 'Co-operative Council'?  'Mr We have made huge savings'?
Yep! Thats him! Fresh from his unbelievable jolly to the Grosvenor Hotel, on London's Park Lane, which cost me and thee thousands - him Nowt! Not to mention the unknown number of freeloaders  buddies he dragged along to witness the rot and corruption that is evident in our bent fucking council. See previous postings to find the cost (to us, that is).

'See those chubby jowls aquiver as Little Jimmy Pudden-Face is brought to orgasm by the love of his life.'

The two faced prick is now drawing  £32,220 a year for fucking this town over! Hardly a day goes by without some disaster striking the town.  Does the moon faced loon do anything about it? Has he a clue what to do, apart from drawing huge allowances? Nonsultations and promises of what blessings we are to receive in the future are the sum total of the wastrels time in charge. Nothing has happened since the day he ascended the gilded throne. This is his second, part-time job. How much are all you miserable buggers in Oldham drawing this year. Does it not make you swell with pride as all your hard-earned Council Tax is spent so wisely?  Thirty-two households donated their Council Tax to this worthless piece of shit.

There is no mention of allowances for the other fifty-nine fucking leeches. You can bet if there are any increases in allowances to be had, the fucking set of totally useless tosspots will have trousered them with alacrity. We estimate the worthless fuckers will cost us £1,000,000 for the current year.  One thousand households supported this band of chancers and money grabbers.

Speaking of worthless pieces of shit: Pudden-Face's partner in crime Mr "Best man for the job" Charlie 'Turd' Parker slides the council Tax from 230 households into his bank account. We figure this is unearned income as no-one has a fucking clue as to what, if anything, the oily, smiling, con-artist, actually does for a living. No one, either, has a clue how he got the job. other than he worked for a company that had been ripping off the Council for years. 

So we have approximately One Thousand, two hundred and sixty-two households contributing all their hard-earned to supporting the money-for-nowt lifestyles of sixty-one of the most vacuous parasites ever inflicted on this town. 

When will you lot fucking wake up??? 


Here we go again Oldham Lie-Bour Chronicle tugging their forelock to their masters.

What exacly do they mean when they say Oldham Council 'Only' spent  £47,317 on the Mayoral role in the past year? Is this meant to make us feel good? How does the Chron know Oldham's mayor is good value for money compared with other local authorities? How many other LA's have they compared apart from Kirklees Council who spent over £146,000 for the same job? The respective costs for the two are £129 per day for OMBC versus £400 per day for Kirklees. That's a huge difference for the same job.  The director of resources for Kirklees said it was unclear whether the two councils had used the same methods to calculate mayoral costs. Anybody from the Chron investigate further?  Can nobody find the figures used to calculate the cost? Is anyone going to try? Given the usual mendacity of Oldham councillors it is more than likely that the figures are similar but Oldham's set of artful dodgers have probably had the books in a slow oven for some time and the real cost will be buried elsewhere. There will be the usual string of excuses as to why they cannot produce the 'actual' figures - you know the score:- 'The dog ate them,'  'an office junior left them on a bus,'  'they accidentally fell into the shredder,' 'burglars broke into the Civic Centre and stole them,' 'there was a huge fire in the records dept. luckily the fire brigade were able to confine the blaze to the purchase ledgers and the councillors allowance book.'

The new Mayor Councillor Olwais Chattering, took over the chains of office recently. About as much use as a stripper in a nudist colony. Should be chained to the wall at the bottom of that fucking great 'ole on Union Street.

This is another 47 council taxes gone. The total now is 1,309 council taxes just blown into the wind and nothing to show for them. 

Come on Oldham get off your arses - ask some questions - demand answers - don't let the slippery bastards get away with it - - IT'S YOUR MONEY!!!!!


We need an independent voice - not a puppet!

If a local reporter handles his assignments by uncritically supporting every decision, however ridiculous, that is taken by his 'precious' sources in local government, this shows a serious lack of judgement or a lack of moral fibre.They and we, would be better served by them being reassigned to cover jumble sales or Sunday School outings where they could do far less damage. In local politics however, normal journalistic mores appear to fly out the window as objective reporting and news gathering play second fiddle to avoiding upsetting  their masters in the corridors of power and conserving what they, (in this town at least, laughingly think of as 'their sources'.) Scoundrels are lauded, brain-dead lice are puffed up as though minor Einsteins, half-baked plans are reported enthusiastically, no thought being applied to cause and effect. As long as we have a story that is what matters. Not - What effect will this have on our citizens and the fabric of the town. Anyone disagreeing with their biased outlook is a bother-causer or a moaner and out to oppose what THEY - the press think is best for us. We are being taken for granted more and more. Any wishes that we may have are wafted away under cover of 'Nonsultations' and  surveys, or are totally ignored altogether. We do not trust politicians and trust in journalistic probity is now being compromised. The local press should concentrate on reporting fairly, the facts on local matters and leave matters of judgement to US!



 Councils will have 'no money'  for main services by 2020
   Councils will no longer be able to pay for any libraries, parks, leisure centres or fixing potholes in roads by the end of this decade because of a catastrophic funding crisis, they warned today.

Fucking Norah!! How the fuck will we manage when there is no more money for all the new libraries, parks, leisure centres, especially leisure centres and pothole filling???? The town will be well and truly fucked!! So, enjoy these halcyon days of plenty! make the most of our world class facilities - Read 'til your eyeballs burst - wallow in the endless pursuit of leisure at our award winning centres - glide effortlessly along our glass smooth roads. But be warned, all these luxuries you have become accustomed to, will soon be a thing of the past.

Financial estimates carried out for the leaders of every major local authority in England and Wales show that funding for services used by millions of people will be shrunk by up to 90% by 2020.

Can some mathematically gifted reader explain to us and the mentally challenged fuckwits on the council, what effect will shrinking nowt by 90% have on the services we have come to love and rely on in this town?

It is reported that even after cutting over 200,000 jobs, curbing executive pay and slashing spending on services, the figures indicate that a funding crisis will be unavoidable.

Whoa!!! Hang on a cotton-pickin' minute!!  How many of these 'jobs' were cut in the 'Bountiful Borough'?  Well?? How many have you heard of since Jimmy 'Fill mi wallet' Pudden-Face announced " over 400 redundancies? We reckon NONE just about covers it.(Lie-bour making their own redundant? You're 'avin a fuckin' laff). How many executives have had their pay curbed and by how much? We reckon NONE just about covers it. How much slashing has been going on? We reckon NONE just about covers it.

After meeting legal obligations for providing care and for street cleaning, councils currently have a total of £24.5 Billion left to fund all of their other  madcap schemes  self aggrandisement plans  money pits  ideological stupidities  less urgent commitments. By 2020 that figure is projected to fall to 8.4 Billion - a two thirds cut, or 80% in real terms. If council's current obligations such as paying for bus passes and servicing the ever expanding PFI scams on building projects are included in the commitments , the money left for everything else will fall by 90% - or, in real terms, will be virtually wiped out. 

Aha! here we are ahead of the game! We have been wiped out for years now but nobody will admit it. At least if the money available falls by 90% we will have the cushion of the other 10% to cover councillors allowances. We must get our priorities right!
The chairman of the LG Association said: "By the end of the decade councils may be forced to wind down some of the most popular services they provide." 
Bloody Fuckin' 'ell! What the fuck will we have left?   Let's start preparing for the worst! We invite entries for the "Most popular services we provide - which of them are to be fucked off" competition. Simply write, on a postcard the name(s) of the popular service YOU would miss least and send it off to:- 



Dear Lefties

You are wrong about many, many things, but some of those errors need correction.

Here is a short list:

1. Free prescriptions are not free.
2. Free healthcare is not free.
3. Those benefits you claim are not free.
4. The NHS is not free.
5. Rent free housing is not free.
6. The government owns no land.
7. The government has no money.
8. The government does not generate revenue.
9. The government owns no buildings.
10. Taxpayers pay for everything.

Every time you whine for more, people like me end up with a little less. Hard-working people are robbed every month to support your idle lifestyle.

That £1.2 million house the council put you in? We paid for that.

That plasma TV, that washing machine, that fridge and that cooker? We paid for those.

Those benefits you get every week? We paid those.

Don't get me wrong here. I know we have to support those who need a leg up from time to time, but do we have to carry you for your whole three score and ten? Really? How does that make you feel? Can you look yourself in the mirror every day and feel any sense of pride whatsoever?

I am not talking about the genuinely needy. I am not talking about the elderly. I am not talking about the vulnerable. Any society must be judged on how it takes care of those in need. I both agree with that and I applaud it.

It is those who will not work. Those who will make no effort whatsoever.

Newsflash: the world owes you fuck all.

You do not have a right to a job any more than you have a right to sit on your arse all day long while bozos like me pay for you to do so.

I've been there and done that. I recall a time when I didn't even have one ha'penny to rub against anything. There was no work in my town. Things looked bleak. You know what I did? I moved to a town where there was work. It took a couple of months but I sorted myself out. I took shitty jobs rather than take the dole for longer than was absolutely necessary. I discovered that once you are working more opportunities open up for you. Radical, I know, but the satisfaction of taking care of you and your own, is fantastic.

But FFS stop going on and on about everything being free. It isn't.

You are just half of the problem. The government is the other half. They waste money in mind-blowing quantities. It's almost as if they are trying to win some sort of award for pissing away the most money ever.

I am sick and tired of paying for their incompetency and your idleness.

I don't mind chipping in, but as more and more people come from foreign shores, expecting to be gifted whatever they need, and nationals just taking the piss generally, my "chipping in" looks more and more like direct support. Is it any wonder I don't want to be robbed of 80% of my earnings?

As far as I am concerned, the less I allow them to steal, the less they have to hand out to the feckless. The less they have to give to India for space programmes. The less they have to give to Brazil, the same Brazil in South America that produces all that oil. The same Brazil that can and will host the Olympic Games in 2016. They do not need our money. Cancel all those cheques. Tell them no.

Those faux charities. Those quangos. Those ineffective NGO's. That Foreign Aid. The same Foreign Aid that buys AK-47's by the container-load for the latest up and coming warlord. I am tired of funding them.

The EU. More wasted money. Unbelievable amounts of our money gets sent across to that thieving outfit.

Failed and failing banks. Untold amounts of our tax go on those bastards. Let them die.

What we need is a prime minister with titanium nuts. One who will happily admit that our "generosity" is killing us. One who will make the changes this country needs to thrive and survive.

Here's another newsflash: it ain't Cameron. It ain't Millibland either. The Conservatives, and that bastard traitor Heath started us down this ruinous path in 1972, and Labour just kept on truckin'. The LibDems are a waste of oxygen. The Conservatives in coalition with the LibDems is an embarrassment to us all.

What we need are politicians that care more for their country than they do for their parties.

Then, and only then, will any progress be made.


Most of this is apropos:-


PS-I digressed a bit here and there, but you should know this: if any statement caused even the mildest blush, then YOU are part of the problem. Take some responsibility, FFS
Many thanks to The Captain- Why not pay him a visit!

Saturday, August 25, 2012


Mouchel's restructuring deal leaves shareholders with nothing

Crisis-hit services group Mouchel has gone into administration, enabling it to sell the business to its lenders and management in a deal which will leave shareholders with nothing.

 On Friday night Mouchel appointed KPMG as administrators to oversee the deal after shareholders voted against the very same proposals which would have left them with 1p a share.

Royal Bank of Scotland, Lloyds Banking Group and Barclays will write off £83m of debt in exchange for an 80pc stake in the new, delisted company, while management will own the remaining 20pc.

RBS, Lloyds & Barclays!!! Fuck me what a gang of thieves have moved in there. Why would the Banks want to take this on? Their one hope is that the company can be turned around and sold at a profit. But who would want to buy a company that has been a loss maker for several years now and is operating in a shrinking market. Who would want to employ a bunch of losers to run their organisation when they can't even operate their own company successfully? 

 Chairman David Shearer said the deal had safeguarded the future of Mouchel. “Ultimately, the only losers are the shareholders themselves who have lost out on the 1p a share special dividend. 
Oh that's OK then! When people come back on Tuesday after the bank holiday Mouchel will be restructured and sorted and that’s it.” 

That's it?? Aye that's it for the shareholders but what about David Shearer???
Well, he stands to pocket a £400,000 bonus for his work in restructuring the support services group.
Under the debt-for-equity rescue deal, which was announced last week and practically wipes out shareholder investment in return for cutting the company’s huge debts, Mr Shearer will be paid a total of £650,000, a document circulated to investors showed. Of this, £150,000 is Mr Shearer’s yearly fee for being chairman, a further £100,000 is paid to Buchanan Shearer, a consultancy he created two weeks before he was appointed to chair Mouchel, and the remaining £400,000 is an additional fee paid “in the event of a capital restructuring” taking place before the end of the year. So...No incentive to sell the whole shooting match down the river then???

Mr Shearer, a turnaround specialist who led the successful restructuring of house builder Crest Nicholson, was appointed Mouchel’s chairman on January 9. That's January 9 This year folks. For THIS he gets £650,000??  What a fucking obscenity!!!  228 days "work" @ £2850 per day!  If this is a turnaround I'd hate to see one of his outright failures!  

 Mr Shearer said the money which would have been paid out to shareholders, amounting to a total of £1.14m, would now go towards costs associated with administration. That's a kick in the balls ain't it shareholders? They killed your investments and now you are paying for the funeral.  With the transfer of ownership completed on Saturday. Mr Shearer said the administration process should be viewed “purely as a restructuring mechanism.”  Which is extremely fortuitous for him as a restructuring mechanism just happens to have netted him £400,000. Nice work if you can get it.

Speaking at a company extraordinary general meeting on Friday, one shareholder described the offer of 1p per share as “a slap in the face”. Shareholders ultimately failed to back the resolutions in sufficient numbers to vote them through, leading to the administration process which has left them with nothing.
 The company which was carrying £170m of debt, with gross liabilities of £220m after pension costs were included is  now worth just £5m after being valued at £537m four years ago and rejecting a £330m takeover bid from VT Group in 2010.

 On Friday night chief executive Grant Rumbles, who will remain at the helm of the company, said: 
“The financial restructuring is critical for us. I’m very proud and very happy.” Can the gormless fucker tell us what he has to be proud of? He's no doubt happy because he has managed to get his feet into the golden trough!  He said management had already implemented a plan to return Mouchel back to profitability.If it were that easy why, by all that's fucking holy, didn't they implement this wonder fucking plan before the shit hit the fan??   Couldn't have been making a bid for the payoffs could they???

Mouchel has already incurred fee costs associated with the restructuring process of almost £18m, with the list of advisers including Goldman Sachs. Well there's a fucking ginormous surprise!!!

So, What the fuck has all this to do with us? Well, you all know Mouchel or under the alias they use in the town The Unity Partnership. They are the unnecessary level of administration in the Godawful running of this town. The Council, (who couldn't run a bath), handed over the running of a large part of our council services to the twats who couldn't even run their own show. (losses for this year are over £10 Million) The Council also hand over a large wedge of your money each year and it seems mostly to have ended up in the deep pockets of the directors of this dubious company.

What has happened to all the people who used to do the jobs taken over by the Mouchel Mob? Pretty much nothing as far as we can see. We are running double manned. 

Do we want these tossers, (who seem to be about as bright as the average Oldham Councillor), running our town and draining large amounts of our money away from the area?  They are going to be trying to get every penny they can out of us. Do you trust the Twats in The Tower to exercise due diligence? Half the pricks couldn't understand a bus ticket never mind complex accounts. 

You have been warned - watch 'em like a hawk -Then get rid before they do a runner!!!


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