...IT'S THE POOR WOT GETS THE BLAME!!

The following appeared in  Fausty's Libertarian Blog  the other day. He'd borrowed it from elsewhere, so we've 'borrowed' it from him and made a couple of changes. The theme of the original was 'How Government works.'  We've changed the names to expose the guilty!!

How The Council works

 Once upon a time the council had a huge empty building in the middle of nowhere. Cabinet said, "Someone may break in at night,  looking for something to steal." So they created a night watchman position and hired a person for the job.


Then Cabinet said, "How does the night watchman do his job without instruction?" So they created a planning department and hired two people, one person to write the instructions, and one person to do time studies.


Then Cabinet asked, "How will we know the night watchman is doing the tasks correctly?" So they created a Quality Control department and hired two people. One to do the studies and one to write the reports.


Then Cabinet said, "How are these people going to get paid and administered?" So they created the following positions, two time keepers and three payroll officers, and then hired four human resources consultants and five health and safety executives.


Then Cabinet said, "Who will be accountable for all of these people?" So they created an administrative section and hired fifty people including administrative officers, assistant administrative officers, legal secretaries and a chief executive on £213,000 per annum.


Then Cabinet said, "We have been in power for nearly a year and we are £40,000,000 over budget, we must cutback the overall cost."

So they laid off the night watchman!

Does this sound like anyone we know? Do you think this little tale could apply to a real local authority? If so, which one? Answers on a postcard to: Little Jimmy Pudden-Face, Parker's Folly, West St. Oldham.

THE FAMLY ARE GATHERED AROUND THE BEDSIDE......

Support services group Mouchel in debt turmoil

Mouchel, Oh hell!
Sont des mots qui vont tres bien ensemble
Tres bien ensemble

 The beleaguered support services group Mouchel is battling for survival this weekend as is it attempts to reach a debt deal with its lenders.
 
Sir Michael Lyons, the former BBC Trust chairman, is still in talks with banks about refinancing the company’s £170m of bank facilities and is attempting to reach an agreement before the company announces delayed annual results on Tuesday.
 
The banks, Royal Bank of Scotland?, Lloyds and Barclays, are “fully supportive” of Mouchel according to the company, despite the fact it is expected to breach covenants just months after a £170m refinancing in January which Mouchel hailed as a “turning point”  This is business speak for, 'The banks are about to throw us under the bus.'

In the past few weeks Mouchel has raised cash by selling its pipeline design business for £2.6m to private company Mott MacDonald and its rail business for £3.4m to Sinclair Knight Merz. The company has said its executive team  “remain focused on the steps necessary to secure the future of the company."   How many more pieces of the 'family silver' do they have left to sell before there is nothing left? The company is haemorrhaging money and is not picking up new council contracts due to the economic climate.

Mouchel has been badly affected by public spending cuts because two–thirds of its clients are local government authorities, which are seeing budgets squeezed as a result of central government’s continued focus on austerity measures. That's er....Us folks. Still they sit and lade and teem our money when they can't even run their own shambles of an operation. How much over the top are they costing us? What will happen if they go tits up? Who then will run the town?

Analysts are forecasting a 14pc drop in revenues for the year to July 31 with pre-exceptional pre-tax profits crashing by two thirds.


Source Daily Telegraph  Sat 26 Nov 2011

 Still, we'll be alright once the trams start running!!

WE DIG DIG DIG DIG DIG UP EVERYTHING IN SIGHT!

IMPORTANT  INFORMATION FOR ROAD USERS IN OLDHAM

LATEST UPDATE: If venturing into the City of Lost Souls. Take at least two changes of clothing, food and drink to last a minimum of three days and a porta-pottee. Also useful would be a copy of Bear Grylls new book on surviving in Oldham's treacherous hinterland, entitled: 'Fuck Me! I'm bleeding lost!' price £12.99 from Waterstuns but getting there to buy it may be a problem. 

Here is the latest update on the road closures, diversions and other related fucking nonsense, being foisted upon the long suffering citizens of this borough by the fuckwits in the tower. This is part of the ongoing plan, to isolate the town from the rest of the world, known as the Streamlined Hi-speed Integrated Transport Experiment or as locals call it S.H.I.T.E. (Oldham)

This weekend the roundabout at Mumps  Bridge  Overpass  level crossing  Crossroads  Death Trap  Thingy  has been removed. It has been sold to Milton Keynes who have a huge collection of the things. The removal of this redundant street obstruction will enable the New Super Trams to have a straight run across the six lanes of traffic that were once controlled by this gyratory governor. Viewing platforms will be erected so locals can sit and watch the carnage unfold as motorists play  ‘Beat The Tram.’

Coun Dave Hibbert, cabinet member for traipsing and degeneration, said: “These are significant changes to Mumps which show that work to bring Metrolink to our borough is firmly on-track. On-track! get it? I wish Hibbert was fucking tied to it!

 “Mumps is the major traffic junction in and around Oldham town centre and although signs will  guide traffic to all sorts of fascinating places, I’d also urge motorists to please try and familiarise yourself with these changes and the best routes to Bury, Bolton, Ashton etc., before we start with the job. We know one or two of you are against the plans. What the fuck do I care about that? I'm arrogant Dave and I know better than any of you fucking serfs."

“All of this will enable the start of work to create a fantastic new integrated transport facility around the former B&Q site that will eventually benefit those using cars, buses and trams alike." Why do we now have to have an 'Integrated Transport Facility'? We had to manage without one when we had the trains. The trams are supposed to be cruising Union St eventually. Why would anyone, wanting to go to what is left of the town centre, want to go to Mumps and catch a bus back? This ITF is nowt more than another fucking bus-station. Move the seven we have on Cheapside down to Mumps. We could then use the land to erect something useful.(maybe a gibbet to reduce the number of chair polishers in the council chamber). The whole of the area around Mumps/ B&Q should have been developed as a leisure park. THAT would maybe bring people INTO Oldham. But no! The cocksuckers in the Ivory Tower can see no further than car-parks, their only growth industry. Trouble with this town is, we don't make enough noise. Be warned. Once the cockwaffles have had their way it will be too late to start complaining.

Coun Fibber continued, “The end of the Mumps roundabout, and the opening of the new link road into the town centre from Oldham Way, are a major part of our plans to remodel this area and redefine it as a new gateway into out of Oldham.”  Remodel the fucking area!!!  Much like you and your barmpot troughing cronies have 'remodeled the town centre I shouldn't wonder. Though you probably can't make it much worse than the derelict slum it is now.

"Unfortunately, for you that is, the changes will mean cars will no longer be able to access the bottom of Yorkshire Street adjacent to Mumps, which will now form part of the construction area."  But local traffic will still be able to access Beever Street, Regent Street and Wallshaw Street from Yorkshire Street by following the diversion signs for Blackburn and Darwen giving drivers a clear run at the area from t'other side of town. This will add approx 90 mins to a trip from say Clarksfield to Regent Street


"Passengers using town-centre bound buses currently stopping at Mumps will now have to find another stop somewhere else. That's not our problem. We have enough to do booking flash hotels for our next jolly and making sure our allowances claim forms are submitted on time."  "Services travelling out of town will not be affected."  Funny how everything leaving the village of the damned is running fine. It's just getting into and across this benighted and blighted borough that is the problem

"Bus lanes along Huddersfield Road and Ripponden Road have also been temporarily opened up to all vehicles to ease congestion in the area."  What's the betting the cock-sucking bus-drivers want to use them now!

Diddy Dave added: “We recognise the sheer scale of these ongoing works has meant frustrating times for motorists in recent months." “We appreciate your patience and have listened to concerns about signage, which we are reviewing and improving daily in response to what drivers and local businesses are telling us.

 “We’re also doing whatever we can, wherever possible, to ease congestion – especially in the run-up to the vital Christmas and new year trading period." "We'll try and ease the pain, but you're not going anywhere fast so why not enjoy yourselves and bring a little festive cheer into the town. Our Chief Executive has bought a box of Christmas ornaments (well, when we say bought he actually only signed for them on the council account at Parties-R-Us) He is going to put them up on a prominent building in the town. The location is supposed to be a secret but if you want to see Charlie's balls being hung on the old Town Hall be there Saturday mid-day.

Trams are expected to arrive at the new temporary Oldham Mumps stop by spring. People in Eccles and Altrincham expect them to arrive there EVERY day but it quite frequently doesn't come to pass.

Enough, already. Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty.

UNION STREET

From Monday - Union Street will be one way in the opposite direction - until further notice.
On alternate Mondays and even-dated  Wednesdays this flow will be reversed, apart that is from those occasions when two-way traffic will be permitted westbound between Greaves Street and Clegg Street and eastbound between Queen Street and Retiro Street.
Queen Street and Retiro Street will become pedestrian only zones. Greaves Street and Clegg Street will be closed to traffic for ever such a long time.
From Tuesday Union Street will be closed at one end.
Work will commence almost nearly at once on building a huge tram stop at the Star Inn end of Union Street to service ‘Chicken City’- Oldham’s gourmet dining area where you can sample all the delights of Kentucky/Alabama/Tennessee/Nepal/Kashmir/ Bulgaria/ Tristan Da Cunha/ Antarctica/Latvia/Gaza Strip/ Ethiopia/Galapagos/Tasmania/Wales, Fried Chicken. For you aficionados the remaining three non-food outlets on Union Street are being converted so you will shortly be able to sample the delights of - Papua-New Guinea/North Korea and Turkey Fried Chicken. A real treat for the discerning palate. Though I must say I have tried most of them and mainly they taste just like chicken. Hey, Ho!

THROUGH TRAFFIC

FROM SADDLEWORTH TO MANCHESTER- Allow extra journey time - set off the night before. If it is essential you get to Manchester every morning - sell your house - move to Newton Heath. In the meantime follow signs marked ‘Diversion.’ When these peter out follow ‘Alternate Route’ signs until you pick up the M65 near Nelson. Park in Nelson - There is an excellent bus service (X43) to Manchester.

TO AND FROM SHAW AND CROMPTON - Access will be severely disrupted due to ongoing work on the Ghost Train and the demolition of Shaw which will be starting any day now. From Ashton - Probably best not to bother. From Saddleworth head for Jct 22 on the M62 head down to the Shaw exit and attack it from t’other side. Leaving Shaw - Make sure you turn the light out and lock the door.


FROM MANCHESTER - Motorists heading up Oldham Road will be stopped at Hollinwood, given a stern warning about their foolhardy behaviour then turned around and sent back to civilisation.


YORKSHIRE STREET - ‘Ghost Town ‘ Tour buses will leave at irregular intervals (Five or six days) from the pay and display car park on the old Conservative Club/Mountainfeet site, taking tourists on sightseeing tours of our excavations, historic buildings and other piles of rubble that are our heritage. Heading up Yorkshire Street they will meet little oncoming traffic as the street has been converted into a skateboard ramp from the Greaves Arms to the Artizans Rest (or whatever poncy fucking name it goes under nowadays). This is world’s end (Has anyone noticed that Yorkshire Street between Fairbottom Street and Scholes Street is ‘misssing ‘ on Google Streetwatch?  Too much for them to stomach I wager.)


WATERLOO STREET - Affectionately known to locals as The Khyber pass this will become the main thoroughfare out of town to Rochdale, Huddersfield and Lees. Beware of two or more vehicles parked in the middle of the road while the drivers chat about the vicissitudes of their working day. Only luxury vehicles (over £60,000) with adequately blacked out windows and 500 million giga-watt sound systems will be allowed through. This strip is, like, private, innit.  No wot  a meen?


FROM MUMPS TO ROYAL OLDHAM HOSPITAL - Easiest way - walk up to Rhodes Bank - throw yourself under “Ghost Town’ tour bus - await arrival of  ambulance  - travel to Hospital in recumbent luxury.  If you must drive, take Yorkshire Street to Curzon Street - go through market Hall - turn left you’re on Henshaw Street - up to Coldhurst Street - zoom! You’re there.


LEES ROAD traffic will be diverted down Cross Street - Up Greenacres Road  - Stamford Road - High Street - Lees Road. This is the ‘groundhog’ route. Not much use for you wankers coming down from Saddleworth, but at least it keeps you out of the town centre and you won’t have time for whingeing.

BUS STATIONS  - The present seven bus stations will be dismantled and together with a further four will be re-erected at Failsworth Pole. Little Jimmy Pudden Face, first citizen and saviour of our town says this is the only sensible solution as the folk of Failsworth have been waiting a long time for modern services. The buses will service the new Town Hall and the shortly to be built, Olympic Swimming Pool,   Sports Hall,  Assembly Hall,  Twenty Screen Cinema,  Bowling Alley,  Ice Skating Rink,  Shopping Mall,   (PF World 1M sq ft ),  Forty storey Hilton Hotel,  Museum and Art Gallery,  Marina (useful for the Royal  Leader’s yacht),  Two Casinos,  Three Nightclubs,  Mainline Rail Station,  Wrigley Head Disneyland,  600 bed Teaching hospital and last but not least - a vehicle dismantling, chemical reclamation and tyre disposal plant at the Lancaster site. Whooops!  I nearly forgot - and Lady Jane's.
Little Jimmy said; “ It’s not because I happen to be a Cunt Councillor for Failsworth, hold all the purse strings and make all the decisions. It just happened that it was Failsworth’s turn for a share of the spoils  amenities. We are not neglecting any other single part of Oldham. You’re ALL getting Fucking Nowt!!

DO YOU THINK THE LITTLE PIGGIES CAN HEAR THE SLAUGHTERMAN SHARPENING HIS KNIFE?

Following on from last Wednesday's post on the activities of the Euro-scumbags we present a recording of Nigel Farage's speech to the EU assembly the same day. At last we have someone with the balls to tell it like it is to the tossers. Just watch their faces. As corporal Jones would say, "they don't like it up 'em."  As you may know Farage is the leader of the UK Independence Party UKIP. Why the fuck can't our leaders from the main parties see what is happening beneath their noses and act accordingly. We say, "well said sir." 
 Many thanks to Guido Fawkes for drawing this to our attention.

WHERE'S ME CAP - AM LATE FOR SKOO!

ARROGANT! That's what  our bleeding lover  beloved leader, Little Jimmy Pudden-Face, called Oldham councillors who have failed to take 'Basic Councillor Training,' and also those who HAVE undertaken the training and failed.
This is a new scheme whereby councillors are trained in the esoteric arts of the council, and learn how  better to pull the wool over elector's eyes, maximise their thieving earnings and pass the buck while maintaining an aura of industry and intellect. (Oh God! spare us from this ribaldry!!!)
  
Jimmy said: "We I have introduced a leaders programme aimed at providing the basic level of training to enable members to do more." As the majority of the chair polishers do nowt anyway, any thought of actually getting up off their arses and doing summat, must read like their worst nightmares.

 He continued, "There are some members of the council who believe they are so experienced - arrogant that they don't need training and think they should be doing the training themselves."
"This attitude will cease forthwith. I am the sole dispenser of wisdom and learning." "The reality is that they are not as good as they think they are." "A lot are past it: Some never reached it: I intend to bring them up to the mark using knowledge gained during all my years of experience."

He said, "The re-opening of Failsworth Town Hall showed what can be achieved." 
It can be achieved if it 'just' happens to be in your ward, you have hold of the purse strings and you are the only person making policy decisions. Quite what the re-opening has to do with councillors going back to skoo beats us.

Little Jimmy told councillors; "The onus is on everybody in this chamber, you will get support, training and development. We will support your claims for extra allowances: we will train you to vote as told and we will develop your uselessness to a high degree, but, if you don't play the game you will leave empty-handed." 

HUH!!! Run that by us again! Councillors will leave EMPTY_HANDED???? WHOOoooooooPEEeeeeeeDOOOoooo!
Oh sorry folks I think that should have read 'Councillors will leave US empty-handed.

His final words -" It's about council, councillors and residents all working together in the same direction." Jimmy baby the direction we are working on is OUT!

Several Money-sponges  Councillors have already taken the course and the final exam. Results are none too good.

Coun. Sykes -Disqualified - examiner said paper looked as if it had been used to wrap chips.
Coun. Battye - Disqualified for cheating. His mate Fitzpatrick got a woman from Greenacres to fill in his answers.
Coun. Alexander - Disqualified- Lost his crayon
Coun. McDonald - 4/10 -very poor. Said he would have done better if the questions had been easier.
Coun. Dean - 1/10 -Abysmal . later disqualified when it was discovered he had copied Coun McDonald's answers.
Coun. Allcock(by name not nature) - 5/10 - poor. Should have done better but his paper had large holes in it and what looked like half a petition on the back.
Coun. Hibbert - Disqualified for writing Arrogant as the answer to every question.
Coun. Beeley and Wrigglesworth - no papers handed in - it is understood they are appearing in Cinderella at Slinfold Hippodrome.
Coun. Dillon and Dillon - 9/10 - very good. They explained they did everything together and liked to get the best out of every experience. Orgasm is believed to be the next target on their list.
Coun. Barker - 3/10 - very poor from someone who was expected to do better. Would have scored higher if he hadn't kept changing his answers.
Coun. Akhtar - 0/10 - No points could be awarded as his paper looked as if the dog had slept on it. Come to think of it Coun Akhtar has the same appearance.
Coun. Knowless - 5/10 - lost marks for writing Greenfield Station as the answer to question  3) Where should we allocate this years income?

Coun. Roughley - Come in please your time is up!

YOU HAVE TO LAUGH!  -  HAVEN'T YOU?

CLOSE THE DOORS, THEY'RE COMING THROUGH THE WINDOWS!

THE AGENDA IS BECOMING CLEARER! 

CAN YOU SEE IT YET?

George Papandreou, elected prime minister of Greece, ‘resigns’ and is ‘replaced’ by the unelected Lucas Papademos, an economist who was Vice President of the European Central Bank from 2002 to 2010 prior to becoming an ‘advisor’ to the Greek government.
Silvio Berlusconi, elected prime minister of Italy, ‘resigns’ and is ‘replaced’ by the unelected Mario Monti, an economist who was European Commissioner for Competition from 1999 to 2004 prior to becoming an ‘advisor’ to the Italian government.

Is this just a coincidence?      Or is there a pattern developing here?


Questions that need asking:


1.    Why are we talking about resignations when we all know that these 'elected' politicians were forced from office by the EU and the ECB and replaced by a pair of yes-men, to further the aims of their New World Order?


2.    What brought both countries to the brink of disaster if both countries were 'benefitting' from the advisors appointed to the respective governments by the EU and ECB?


3.    Did Greece and Italy ask for these advisors or were they forced upon them by threat of withdrawal of support?


4.    What advice was given by these 'advisors' seeing that both countries have gone tits up? If they are so fucking clever how come their advice led to the present situation? Why would anyone trust them to sort out the mess when it seems most of it occurred under their stewardship?


5.    Was their function to achieve exactly the situation Greece and Italy find themselves in and achieve a bloodless coup by taking over two countries without an apparent squeal of protest? Why have the populace of Greece and Italy so meekly succumbed ? Do they not realise what has happened?


6.    Why have the two countries accepted the pair of Euro Arseholes foisted upon them. What political skills do the two possess; indeed what skills of any description, apart that is, from ripping us off for millions every year?


7.    Do you think there is a cat in hells chance of them relinquishing power even if the pair of them drag the invalids from death's door? Don't hold your breath folks: This is THE NEW WORLD ORDER This is where it starts: Today two countries- tomorrow the world

Just think folks if we had gone up to our bollocks into Europe, The Euro and the rest of the corruption, we could to-day be in the same position as Greece and Italy. Who, after evicting the dolly-bag duopoly of Cleggeron do you think our Euro-masters would have appointed to lead us to salvation?

What odds on the Welsh wind-bag Kunte Kinnock - or horror of horrors The traitorous liar Blair. You can bet it would be some-one of that ilk just so the Euro-Wankers could rub our noses in it.

HEED THE WARNINGS FOLKS!  THEY ARE AMONGST US NOW! STOP THE NEW WORLD ORDER NOW!

I SAID TO HIM - I SAID - 'YOU'RE IN THE WRONG JOB OUR KID!'

Last month it was announced that 400 jobs are set to be axed as Oldham Council attempts to find £24 million in savings for their 2012/13 budget.

An initial 122 posts were identified and are the subject of an on-going consultation with staff and trade unions which runs until December.

The council has now announced the next 278 posts that could be cut

 Councillor Abdul Jabbar, cabinet member for finance and resources, said: “This latest package of proposals is designed to mitigate the number of compulsory redundancies that we need to make.

“Together the savings we've identified in these first two stages of this process would cover the £24 million in savings that we need to find from next year’s budget. "

Did we hear that right???


The two redundancy schemes will save £24m?

400 jobs saving £24m = £60,000 per job!



Do we really have 400 people employed by OMBC on £60,000 p.a. who we can make redundant without too much pain?  If so it's no wonder we are in the deep doo-dah. What the fuck are they all doing?  Either Jabba The Cut, member for finagling and curry sauces, has one of those super deluxe, scientific, colour screen, printing calculators from 'Pound Universe' or we are being ripped off to some tune!  Still, don't forget Charlie 'Turd' Parker is on almost four times that. I know let's get rid of him and then we only need to cut 396 posts.

Apropos of absolutely fuck all, have you noticed 'councillors allowances' have been removed from the council website. Nothing to hide, have they??  Let's get them back, see what the venal bastards are up too! It's our money!

EN HAUT LE RUISSEAU DE MERDE SANS UNE PAGAIE!

.........The bloodletting  at Mouchel has continued with Bo Lerenius stepping down as chairman.

Last week the company’s largest shareholders said they supported the chairman and Mr Lerenius said he had never considered quitting.

However, he says now is the “right time to hand over” the chairmanship. (and get out from under before the shit hits the fan)

Grant Rumbles replaces Richard Cuthbert as chief executive, who was ousted from the company last week after it revealed an “actuarial error” will wipe £4m from profits.

13th October David Sugden, a non-executive director, is named interim chairman.
16th October  David Sugden Quits -. Mouchel's lending banks refuse to work with him!
Sir Michael Lyons, the former BBC Trust chairman, has been parachuted into Mouchel as interim chairman, which is heading for a breach of banking covenants and wants to refinance its £170m of bank facilities.

It's £170m of bank facilities were set up just a few months ago after it was revealed that Mouchel’s consortium of lending banks – Barclays, Royal Bank of Scotland and Lloyds – had hired Deloitte, the accountants to review Mouchel's finances,  triggering worries about the company’s financial position.

Don't you just love the way these guys at the top jump ship as soon as there's a whiff of blame wafting about. What's the betting these two will surface in a month or two, smelling of roses,  in some overpaid non-job. In the meanwhile Mouchel are still lading and teeming your money. Oldham council under the insipid  inspired captaincy of Little Jimmy Pudden face sail ever onward into the setting sun, blissfully unaware.

Apropos of absolutely fuck all, have you noticed 'councillors allowances' have been removed from the council website. Nothing to hide, have they??  Let's get them back, see what the venal bastards are up too! It's our money!

MY MISTAKE! .... YOUR FAULT!

Little Jimmy Pudden Face, leader of the council and flim-flam artist supreme, has taken time out from collecting his allowances to regale us with another of his blogs telling us how brilliant he is. Actually he shines like a turd!  Portions in yellow are extracts from the blog. Listen to the arrogant scrote as he tells us how right-on he is and what a set of tossers we are.

'Hopefully you’ll have read about our plans to introduce what is effectively three months of free parking on Council-owned car parks on Saturdays from mid-October to mid-January, 2012.'

'After listening to the many concerns expressed to us in recent weeks this is a move unashamedly designed to boost town centre trade during a critical period.' ....

....Bollox! It's a knee jerk reaction from a load of jerks who have felt the cold winds starting to blow through the town centre and they see the spectre of  the 'Ghost Town of Christmas Future' looming. They have unashamedly ignored, for years, every plea made by traders for this very same measure which should be made permanent.  It's too easy to grab cash from parking fees and the swingeing fines dished out. It saves the brain-dead council amoebas from having to think or make an effort to run this town efficiently.  How many millions do you reckon they've raked in over the years from parking?  What have WE got to show for it? The trouble with the political knobheads, especially the Lie-bour variety, is that they love other people's money. They see a bit of cash and it's Hey, Ho! Let's be having that then for some daft scheme or other. Needless to say the daft schemes are not the schemes we want or want to pay for, but what the fuck do you peasants know. The members know best. That's members as in pricks.

'For Oldham Council it’s also about showing leadership to help businesses and residents feeling the pinch.'

....Leadership???? Where the fuckin' 'ell is it you and your bunch of mongs are leading us? We've been feeling the pinch for years Jimmy baby. What have you crackpots been doing to alleviate the pain?  Destroy, destroy, destroy that's all we get from you and the other inmates. Nothing worthwhile created in this town for decades. There has been no cohesive plan for the town centre. Everything jumbled together. All the prime sites occupied by hideous concrete boxes inhabited by hordes of chair-polishers and paper shufflers. We are nearly into double figures with bus-stations. What's that about?  Which genius of town planning spent months one lunch-time drawing that up on his sandwich wrapper?  Every fucking building is in the wrong place. We're told we will have a new sports centre. Where? Same place as the one we have? Smack in the middle of a prime town centre retail site. Why does a sports centre have to be in the middle of a shopping area? Just think if you had put a multi-storey car park and retail units on the Lord Street site maybe Tommyfield Market would be still the number one attraction for shoppers that it used to be. Aaaah! but that's not what you and your raggle taggle band of twats want is it Little Jimmy? It's another ready made car-park to bring in more lovely moolah for you and the boys every day. While we are on the subject of town centre buildings, for fucks sake do something about that yoof abortion being built on St Mary's. Don't let the bell-ends keep that fucking gormless name. (For those of you who do not know, a competition was held to find a name for the town youth club. The winning entry was 'Mahdlo'. If that was the winning entry then fuck knows what shite didn't make it.).  You're making us a bigger laughing stock than ever if that's possible. Most people in the country know we are fucking backward. Surely we don't have to prove them right!  I can picture it now like summat out of the Clitheroe Kid (ask yer granddad).

Ma:      "Wheer art' a gooin' ower Jimmy?"
LJPF    "Am off up ter t' Mahdlo mam."
Ma:      "Gerrus a kebab and a pea mixture then our Jimmy."
LJPF:   "No ma, it's a youth club."
Ma:      "What! In a kebab shop?"  "Yer lyin' little gobshite, yer off suppin' an' shaggin'  I'll be bound"

Change it now before it's too late.

'According to a recent survey, Oldham town centre – with a 16 per cent rate of vacant shop units – is actually performing better than its North West neighbours (who average 19 per cent).'

This survey was carried out using the mathematical theory that numbers can mean anything you want them to mean. For Oldham, with a total of 33 shop units, this means that 5 and a bit stores are vacant while 27 and a bit are still clinging on to life. For, say, Bolton with a total of 168 shop units, the respective figures are 31 and a bit and 136 and a bit. For two points select the best shopping prospect a) Oldham: b) Bolton.

' I also genuinely believe our town centre offering (i.e. not including retail parks) is better than the likes of Rochdale and Tameside, and that if it was a retail park the brand names you’d see on the billboards – ‘Debenhams, H&M, Topshop, River Island, Primark, Next etc’ – would have traffic queueing in a snake like it usually is at Elk Mill on Saturdays.'  

They're queuing to get on the motorway to go to the likes of Bury and Bolton where they have stores, markets, cinemas and all the rest of that un-needed crap we had the good sense to get rid of.
Look at the 'big names' they are all the same store basically, there is no variety. Oooh! sorry I forgot the fourteen jewellery shops and the pawnbrokers. Not to mention the myriad 'pound' stores. Verily we are on a par with the Trafford Centre.

'But I’m also a realist. We can’t sit here and fiddle.'

Where do you usually sit when you're on the fiddle you cocksucker?

'The unavoidable bottom line here though is that if residents want a viable town centre then they have to take advantage of this offer and visit it to do their shopping.'

Viable? There's fuck all left! You stole our market. You allowed Spindles to cut the town in two. We cannot attract any of the big draw names to the town we're cut off from the outside world. Every road in the fucking borough is being dug up (the only growth industry in the town). We've Metrostink coming that you think is going to re-generate this town. All it will do is enable more folk to abandon Oldham in a shorter time.

'If you don’t take advantage of this offer then the implications for traders in this climate are pretty clear and there’s no politician alive – however much energy they might expend – who can shield businesses from what their spreadsheets and bank managers are telling them.' 

There's probably some dead politicians who could do a better job than you and the stupid squad. Expend energy? Politicians? Now we know you are taking the piss!

'So with Oldham town centre, I’d say it’s very much up to you:"  ‘Use it or lose it.’

So, we get to the bottom line. After completely fucking up the town, it's infrastructure, it's transport, it's amenities, it's facilities, it's market, it's roads, it's shopping centre plus it's Town Hall, You have the fucking brass neck to tell us it's up to us to rescue the place!!!!

You fucking arrogant, money grabbing, self-aggrandising, conniving, fucked-up arsewipe!!!
We the people are not prepared to shoulder the blame for the abject failures and costly fuck-ups foisted upon us by you and previous administrations. You are not the answer to our problems. You ARE the problem!

 To end we have a message for you: You say, 'Use it or lose it,"

We say, ................... FIX IT OR FUCK OFF!!!

ONLY OLDHAM COULD EMPLOY SOMEONE IN A WORSE STATE THAN US!

In May 2007 Mouchel started a £300Million, 12-year strategic services partnership with Oldham Metropolitan Borough Council called the Unity Partnership. In that year Mouchel's share price reached £4.85. At close of trading today it stood at 16.5p leaving the company facing the prospect of a breach of banking covenant. This despite a massive £170m refinancing package just a few months ago.  Now we discover that due to an 'actuarial error' a gain of £6.2m announced earlier this year would actually be £4.3m less at £1.9m.. Financial analysts posed questions over "Information Flow and accuracy within the business and 'overly-aggressive' accounting." I think that's what they call a euphemism!  As a result chief executive Richard Cuthbert has fallen on his sword and got out from under. As if all that wasn't enough, finance director Rod Harris announced increased accounting provisions of a further £4m against "some risky contracts."  So that's over £8m that won't be showing on the profit side. Should we trust a company that takes on 'risky contracts'? 

Mouchel chairman Bo Lerenius said: "Our balance sheet is stretched and we need to do something."

Try stamping your foot and shouting very loudly, "OH BUGGER!!!"

Earlier this year rivals Interserve and Costain who had been considering a takeover bid for Mouchel walked away after studying the company's books. I think that was probably a good enough hint that all was not well.

Christopher Bamberry a financial analyst said the profit shortfall "would probably leave the company in breach of a banking covenant." He added that concerns over customer confidence cast doubts over Mouchel's ability to win and retain work. "It's hard to see how a rights issue can be avoided,"  he said.  Who in their right mind would take up a rights issue after this sorry tale of woe and in light of the current spending cuts?   Two other services groups, Connaught and ROK,  reliant on government contracts collapsed into administration in the last year.

SO! This is the outfit running most of our town, with our money. It don't look good do it?  Now you see why Mouchel had to close their Liverpool office and move the remnants of staff to Oldham where we are probably providing free accommodation for them.

Just take a look at the first line again folks - £300,000,000 for a twelve year partnership. £300m of our money leaving the town without so much as a last good-bye!

Why are we throwing all this money at a bunch of tossers from dahn sarff who can't even keep their own affairs in order?  Why are we paying a bunch of outsiders to do something we've already paid for?

If we are employing all these people to run the services that we ran so ably at one time, what are the people who used to do that job in the labyrinthine corridors of OMBC doing now?  Do they while away the hours reading Mystic Meg in the Sun.  Do they sit entranced as the odious Battye regales them with fairy stories? Do they gaze in wonder at the acres of Axminster in Little Jimmy's den? Are they put to work polishing the solid gold fittings in Avarice Hall, site of Charlie's palatial HQ?   OR? And here's a novel thought. Do we pay them to sit around doing nowt all day?

If Mouchel succumb in the dwindling market, the result for Oldham will be catastrophic! You can bet we have no fall-back plan to keep the town moving, Lie-bour don't believe in planning for the future. If they did maybe we wouldn't be involved with the 'Unity Parasites.' 

It's bloody amazing ain't it?  Every time we fall in the shite....we come up smelling of shit!

You think things are bad now?? As they say; "You ain't seen nothing yet!" 

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