READING BETWEEN THE LINES!

Tommyfield Market traders will strike on Saturday in protest at their treatment after the new street market launch. The few stall holders who remain behind the market hall on the original outdoor site say they are being ignored by the council.
 A nameless spokesperson for the Council department responsible for issuing bullshit and lies, said. "This is all bullshit and lies, the area behind the market hall is now earmarked for a specialist market with removable stalls."                                                                                          

"We have exciting new plans for this area."  Yeah we know, we've seen them. Weirdest market layout we've ever seen. "Ah that's because you don't understand town planning," says the N.S. "This is a very ergomaniac design to enable stallholders to reach their stalls easily."  "Any resemblance to a car park is purely coincidental."  "But..... if on non-market days any motorists wanted to park on this area they are welcome to do so for almost no charge." "To this end we will put up pay and display ticket machines just on the off chance." We hear that this wonderful facility is being provided at no cost to the council, just a little adjustment on the Council Tax. At the right we see an artist's impression of how the new site will look on a busy market day. We have just learned that rents for the new stalls will be £1 for the first 40 minutes, then 60p for each 15 minutes thereafter. Stall rents will be collected by the Council's new partner in this exciting venture NCP. The same nameless one declared, "I think it stands for Not a Car Park."

THE ROCKIN' 'ORSE IS IN THE LEAD!

An internationally-acclaimed show which uses jelly beans to bring the world of statistics to life and compare the brainpower of different organisms was launched at Gallery Wulfe today.

“If brains were dynamite” is an exhibition by the Katin'batta Ethiopian take away and Theatre Company.

Visitors, when or if, they arrive are presented with a jelly bean to represent their brainpower and are then invited to compare that single gobbet of jelly to the tonnes  of confectionery, of all colours, which is the brainpower of everyone else in the UK.

Each day a team of performers will be carefully chewing over different statistics.

The exhibition will tell a local story:  it's a fairy story but what the hell. It will allow visitors to compare their jelly bean to the Ferrero Rochers of other parts of the UK.

Councillor Kay Knox  (recently downgraded from a Midget Gem), said: “This is a truly unique and tasty exhibition which will cause inflation around my arse and is made especially for Oldham with local ingredients.

“This show will probably go down very well especially among the greedy bastards my colleagues on the council. We are also inviting visitors to bring in their own sweeties (Howie and I like to indulge in a nice liquorice whip when we are alone, she hinted). They will also be encouraged to make their own suggestions for statistics (chocolate willies not allowed) and see them weighed out and added to the menu exhibition.”




 The show runs Monday to Saturday from 10am to 5pm and on Sundays from 10am to 4pm until September 28.
At the conclusion of the show all proceeds will go to local councillors council charities. The exhibition will then be dismantled and eaten by Councillor Sykes on the Town hall steps at Saturday mid-day. (Contingent on reinforcement work being completed on his waistband)

OF COURSE I TRUST YOU........BUT!

Copied to-day from Captain Ranty, with thanks. Because everyone should be made aware of what's afoot!

HMRC To Take ALL Your Money
And then decide how much/how little to send on to your bank account.

In a move that stinks of totalitarianism, fascism, and pure cuntishness, HMRC have said that they need to take it all. All of it. Your whole salary. Naturally, no mistakes will be made. Everyone will be dealt with fairly and disputes will be swiftly resolved.
We wish.
They will make mistakes. They will retain the whole salary from some people as the computer, when asked, "Can we send Mr Jones any money this month?", will simply say "No". The dispute will take months to resolve, and in the meantime? No food for your family, no bills get paid, the leccy gets switched off, so now you will freeze or starve to death, whichever comes sooner. All because HMRC had a brainfart.

Thaddeus J. Wilson gives us more details over at Anna's place. I strongly urge you to read it all, then tell everyone you know. Just to be sure, tell everyone you don't know as well.

This shit has to be stopped right now.

Here you go:

'It’s been a while since there has been a story in the press that left me with my jaw so far down that it hurt. But today, I believe, we are firmly back in the deranged world of government gone completely insane:'

"HM Revenue and Customs could take direct control of every worker’s monthly pay cheque under plans to overhaul the error-prone income tax system.
Instead of employers deducting income tax then paying gross salaries to employees, the gross monthly payment would go to an HMRC-run tax “calculator”, which would then pass the net salary to the worker.
The reform would mean the end of traditional monthly payslips, because employers would no longer be able to tell workers how much tax they had paid each month."

The immediate thought that comes to mind is: what do we do when (and not if!) this all goes wrong? What happens when, as will inevitably happen, HMRC makes a balls up and takes your whole month’s salary? Who will you fight with? Without a payslip, how do you budget for the forthcoming month, especially if you are on highly variable wages? What about people with all sorts of different sources of income? How will this “help” them? What about people who have valid reasons for submitting an annual return to claw money back?
Inevitably, this kind of glorious “lateral thinking” is a result of the many failings of the people in HMRC. Why is the long-suffering taxpayer being exposed to this extraordinary risk? It’s not like the government exactly has a fantastic track record when it comes to grandiose computer systems.
I’m going to do something that I don’t generally do, because I’m not as erudite at campaigning as Anna: I’m going to ask you to spread the word about this as far as you can; I’m going to ask you to write to your useless MP and complain in the strongest possible terms about this insane idea; write to your local newspaper, tell all your friends and do everything you can think of to stop this insane idea from becoming reality.
Because although Anna is a wonderful campaigner, I don’t think there’s enough of her to go around to save each and every one of us!
UPDATE: I am generally loathe to update articles, especially if they have only just been published, but I feel that this information may be of great value to 1.4 million taxpayers:

"The first batch of 45,000 letters demanding cash to be repaid will start to arrive on Tuesday – with the rest sent out over the next four months.
But accountants said recipients should act swiftly to use a little-known loophole which forces HM Revenue and Customs to abandon ‘out of the blue’ demands and effectively write off the money.
They also insisted many of those affected are entitled to argue that they or their employer have done nothing wrong and should not be penalised for someone else’s blunder.
Enough is enough. It is time to starve these incompetent thieves of our hard-earned money!"

I've been saying this for over a year. They need to starved of our cash. Their addiction to our money has them by the throat. It will only get worse if we allow the addiction to run unchecked. The only cure is cold turkey.
If it sits better with you, call it a "public service".
CR.

ONCE AGAIN: DON'T SAY YOU WEREN'T WARNED!

LET'S BE 'AVIN THOSE GLASSES THEN!

Oldham takes ninth spot in booze league of shame!

According to 'academics' from Liverpool University, Oldham is among the top 10 hardest-drinking areas in the country. ('Owd on a minnit! What the fuck has this to do with Scouse demics aca or not. Have they nowt else to fill their lives with?)
'Stato' Higgins, our averages encrusted director of pubic health, says, 'Reducing levels of harmful drinking in Oldham is a high priority for us. Us meaning Him.
 An instant remedy would be to brick-up both ends of Yorkshire Streeet. This would dramatically improve our figures and seeing as most of the bother causing piss heads who cause trouble in the town centre at weekends are from neighbouring towns, they would have to stay home thus making their midden rise in the league table.
Unfortunately for us Stato has a plan, nay, an alcohol strategy , no less. Which means he wants to stick his nose into yet more of your business in order to justify his. He is going to offer support to people who regularly attend hospital due to alcohol problems. Excellent, just what staggering drunks need, support. Compared with the NE and NW of England, the East and Southeast  had the fewest problems. Could it be because they have a vast array of leisure facilities providing a varied and entertaining level of interest. This is at the opposite end of the spectrum to places 'oop north' like our own delightful Borough where the only entertainment at the myriad booze fuelling stations, is provided by the proprietors stuffing as much booze down your throat in as short a time as possible whilst assaulting you with the ear splitting blast of what the con artists providing it, call music. Stato and your fuckwad friends in the concrete pillock box, quite simply people drink too much in this town for one simple reason. THERE IS FUCK ALL ELSE TO DO!  Stop looking for excuses for the corporate fuck up in this town. Provide some leisure facilities!
...And nearly finally Dr Ruth Hussey, regional director of public health and busybodying said: 'We are once again reminded of the terrible burden the abuse of alcohol causes residents of the North West.
...And finally, Eddy Skinfull, reasonable drinker of anything going said: 'We are once again reminded of the terrible brain freeze the nannying by Dr Rude Hussy and Stato Higgins causes to topers of the North West. 

FROM STOKE IS OLDHAM UP, DOWN, OR THE LAST RESORT???

 Did you see this latest piece of nose rubbing in the shit, news?  The town is fucking skint. Services being cut left right and centre. Does anyone know what an assistant executive director for strategic projects and investment, with responsibility for property assets and development, actually does? Apart, that is, from drawing a huge salary. (Anyone from the Council going to let on how much he's on?). Why do we need yet another wunderkind added to the already top heavy bureaucracy of this band of chancers. Surely we have enough managers and directors to sort out the job, without wasting yet more of OUR money. I eagerly await the news that we were lucky to get someone of Darren's calibre and experience and that if we want the best man for the job, we must pay for it. Why is he leaving Stoke? Is he a mate of Charlie's?  Maybe we could hear something about his long and meritorious service and his many achievements as Development Director at Stoke-on Trent since January 2009. Not so long ago Stoke was named as one of the worst places to live in the country. Might we know Darren's contribution to the problem?  Memo to Fat Bastard Sykes and all his talentless cronies. WE ARE FUCKING SKINT!!  The creaking noise you hear is belts being tightened all across the borough. Apart that is from Sykes himself who's never tightened a belt in his life. He has the look of someone who has spent his whole parasitic life letting out his belt at our expense. Services are being cut back. Amenities closed. Nothing is being replaced. WE have sod all. Why don't you try getting along without all these jobsworths? Get the useless fuckers in the Tower Of Babble up off their lazy fat arses and MANAGE.

MASTERMIND IT AIN'T!!!!

This from the Oldham Chronicle
Council Leader  HOWARD SYKES  to answer YOUR questions. Straight answers to straight questions he says!
Of course, when he says YOUR questions he really means the ones sent in by Libdems from Saddleworth and Shaw and specially selected by the fat bastard as being answerable without committing himself to anything. Do you wanna bet the corpulent bastard won't answer our questions.      Let's try him with a few, see if we get any answers, straight or otherwise, (our betting is on otherwise).

1. Are you going to accept any responsibility for the Vance Miller fiasco? Currently expected to cost US upward of £5M.

2. Is Charlie Chuckles, Great Pooh- Bah of the Council going to continue grinning his way through a job to which it is obvious he is unsuited?

3 . Will you continue to ignore the wishes of the people of this town whilst pursuing your policy of laying waste to the town?

4. Will you refund any of the money, our money, appropriated by you and your self opinionated partners in crime and wasted by you on meaningless jollies. (Est £30K+)

5. Will you stop trying to con us that Metrolink is the best thing ever to come to Oldham? You know fucking well there will be no regeneration. There is nothing left to regenerate or any place to achieve regeneration. The town centre is fragmented, derelict and divided by the badly thought out Spindles Centre which effectively cuts the town centre in two. We have two bus stations as a result of rushed and muddled thinking. Everything is in the wrong place. Sports centre where the multi storey car park should have been. That concrete monstrosity, The Tower of Babble, taking up premium town centre land and adding nothing to the Oldham Experience. A police station on a prime town centre site that should have been used to develop the retail centre which is now shrinking rapidly. The best market in the NW now reduced to a flapping mess of ex Bedouin tents strung along the streets. You and your predecessors have made a total fuck-up of the town. Will you ever listen to what WE want???

6. Will you tell us how big the black hole in the Local Govt. Pension pot is? (last reported figure £65.3M) 

7. How much of each household's council tax will be creamed straight off the top to try and fill this bottomless pit? (latest projected figure c£400 per household)

8. Why is no effort being made to provide an infrastructure to entice industry into the town? Our only growth industry is more and more bloody schools.

9. Which other town(s) of comparable size have no Rail connection, no cinema or other leisure facilities? We are cut off and stuffed. In fact we the people have very little to enjoy, but that won't worry you will it? You can jump into the £60k motor car you leased for yourself with OUR money and cruise off to somewhere more amenable.

10. Will you clean-up the cess pit that is Yorkshire St. and return a large portion of the town to law abiding citizens?

11. Will you listen to the people re Academies instead of pursuing your bloody minded pursuit of the unobtainable?

12. Will you stop all the chicanery regarding Oldham Athletic's new stadium?

13. Will you and the rest of the trough wallowers forgo all allowances until such time as you restore this town to some semblance of a cohesive unit? 

Will we get straight answers folks?.....What do you think?

When we say YOUR q